It’s the unspoken rule that everybody attempts to be nice, sometimes “overly” nice to please people, to be accepted.
Nobody likes rude people as they make you feel disrespected. It’s not wrong to be nice but the question is “Are they genuinely nice?” or just a facade. Deep inside they might not like you but still pretend to be friendly.
Sometimes the niceness can be taken too far, and when it is, there are plenty of good reasons to be wary of it.
The girl in my biology class
It was my sophomore year in college, I met Nina who was sitting next to me in class. She was friendly with a lovely smile and blue eyes.
I was shy and timid. I was always afraid to say something stupid. She talked to me first, we had a good conversation every time we were in class.
Although we talked quite a lot, we didn’t hang out outside the classroom. I met her sometimes at the cafeteria.
She said hi and we made small talks. Well, she seemed nice to me. For me, I was happy to have her as a friend, but I didn’t know that she only considered me as an acquaintance.
Although knowing each other for a few months but she never asked my Facebook or Instagram account, but I was alright with that.
One day, I had an issue with my family and was depressed. She asked me what wrong and I told her my story. She then added me on Facebook and told me to text her if I wanted to study together.
“Nice words and nice appearance doesn’t conclude that someone is nice, i believe that the nicer you look, the more deceptive you appear.”
― Michael Bassey Johnson
At the weekend, I asked her to have dinner but she didn’t reply until two days later. I felt something wrong. When I met her in class, she explained she didn’t see my message. I was like “Ok, maybe she was busy”
The second time, I asked her to study for the exam next week, she texted me back, made an excuse so we couldn’t study together. She even said she missed me a lot but she was never there when I needed her.
That’s enough for me. I was wrong about her. Nina wasn’t an honestly nice person. Later, I found out she was fake. She promised to help me out but didn’t keep her words.
The guy in the chemistry class
I met Arden in my junior year, he was sitting behind me. He seemed quiet and reserved. I talked to him when we work in a group including two other students sitting around us.
After a while, we got to know each other. We often had lunch after class. He was interesting to talk to. We had some common viewpoints. We often talked about life, game, and the future.
“In the beginning, some people try to appear that everything about them is “in black and white,” until later their true colors come out.”
― Anthony Liccione
He also invited me to register for classes with him, so we could study together next semester. He told me I was his best college friend and we should keep in touch after graduation.
He often complimented my fashion styles. He hyped me up in front of other students.
The thing is I only met him when we were in class. He rarely invited me to hang out. I was disappointed because I expect our friendship to be more closer.
What was the kind of friend that didn’t see each other on the weekend when he always said I was his best friend?
He promised to cook pasta and then he canceled it without notifying me. I was pissed off.
He also told me I was like his brother. That summer, he transferred to another school without saying goodbye. I was naive to trust what he said. He was a hypocrite.
He was so nice!
The two-faced janitor
Recently, due to covid19, everybody living in the dorm was assigned a private bathroom for safety issues.
I saw the janitor when he was mopping the floor. He smiled and said, “How are you doing”. We talked a bit, he seemed very nice and friendly.
Surprisingly, after two days, I heard him argue with a student next door to me. I didn’t know what happen, but I thought the student did some wrong, so the janitor complained.
“Fake people are like soap bubbles, they pop out when the sun shines brightly.”
― Chiranjude Bird
I still believed that the janitor was nice. Turn out that next morning, when I got to my bathroom, I didn’t see my stuff in there. My bodywash, shampoo, toothpaste, and the towel had gone.
I was shocked. I was told that it was the janitor who threw them away. Oh my god! Why he did that while he could put them outside the bathroom or my room?
I asked the janitor and he replied rudely “That’s the policy, we need to keep everything clean and safe”, he winced then took off. Why he didn’t tell me that policy? There was no relation between my stuff and coronavirus.
I was afraid of nice people, to be honest
Overly nice people are manipulative and dishonest
Their actions will speak volumes about who they are. Such a smiley person can sometimes turn out to be a jerk in disguise.
Being overly nice is also a form of manipulation- an attempt to get what they want by displaying bogus affection.
I hope you have not been leading a double life, pretending to be wicked and being good all the time. That would be hypocrisy.
― Oscar Wilde
Some women put on a mask to persuade a gentleman to help. Some narcissistic men wear a mask to seduce a partner, being “too nice” can be a sign of undisclosed motives.
It’s no wonder that some children grow into adults who think that they can get what they want by putting on their best smile. They effectively exchange their niceness for other perks rather than being nice for the sake of it.
“People wears a mask of lie so they look attractive , so be careful”
― Muhammad Saqib
If you get involved with fake nice people, chances are that you’ll have to deal with an emotion explosion at some point in the near future.
They’ll end up having a nervous breakdown or psychotic episode, and that is a mess for everyone involved to clean up
Someone who is overly nice is undoubtedly a liar. They lie to themselves about how they really feel inside, and they lie to other people in order to make sure that they don’t upset anyone, even when that’s detrimental.
They’re so worried about upsetting others or being perceived as unkind that they’ll be thoroughly dishonest… and no-one wants that. Not really.
In adult relationships, choosing niceness over honesty can breed not only mistrust but also resentment.
Final Thought
This story is based on my own experience and observation as well as experience from others. It may be different in other cultures and environments. Not every nice person is a red flag. However, I got too much of it and became alert with nice people.
Conflict is inevitable in life. We tend to trust our close friends and romantic partners, so when we’re aware that we’re being lied to just to spare our feelings, that can destroy trust on a fundamental level. Forever.
Whatever the reasons behind it, most people intuitively know that excessive niceness is not a natural trait to have. Nice people are everywhere, but there is a scale in which one can move.
Go too far toward the nice end and the balance is lost. So be wary of anyone who seems a little too pleasant in their general demeanor.
Remember, it takes time and effort to decide to trust someone.
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Previously published on medium
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Photo credit: by Ali Tareq on Unsplash