High Maintenance Hall-of-Famer
I once had a girlfriend who referred to her birthday as a ‘birthday month’. During those 31 days, she expected us to celebrate her birthday several times, and she expected me to orchestrate the proceedings. Each set of our friends had a separate event, at a unique location, and we also had to host a completely different get-together for her family.
I still have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) whenever March (her birthday month) rolls around.
Over the years I learned that she was a Hall-of-Fame caliber High Maintenance girlfriend. One time, she cried for an hour(and wanted me to console her) because she thought her best friend was funnier than her.
Her demands on me were high, but the rewards I received from being with her were not worth all the stress, effort, and money that I had to put in. When we eventually parted ways, I was left with an overwhelming sense of relief that I had narrowly dodged a life of servitude.
As a result of that experience, I became an expert at identifying other people who, while not as skilled and consistent as my ex-girlfriend, shared many of her ‘high maintenance’ traits.
If you are wondering whether you or your partner (to be fair, it’s not gender-specific) fall into the category of ‘High Maintenance’, I have compiled a handy list of 5 traits that will clearly point you in the direction of your answer. Possessing one or more of these traits is a sign that some serious self-reflection and action is required.
She couldn’t go to bed mad.
I remember being in an 8-hour argument one night, and literally falling asleep mid-sentence. I don’t even remember what we were fighting about. By that point, I was just agreeing with her so that I could get some shut-eye.
High Maintenance people need to resolve their hurt feelings immediately. They cannot stand the thought of being upset by their partner about the perceived wrong that was done to them.
In a healthy relationship, both parties should be able to say their peace in much less time. Lover’s quarrels don’t need to go on all night. If you are unable to agree, it’s OK to sleep on it. The world isn’t going to end.
She pouted if she didn’t get lavish gifts on Valentine’s Day.
Can we agree that Valentine’s Day is a marketing gimmick? We can’t? Well, you may be a High Maintenance girlfriend then.
Anyone who would get angry because they didn’t get an expensive gift on Valentine’s day is unable to put their relationship into perspective. A High Maintenance partner compartmentalizes its value based on the day. If you didn’t buy them a heart-shaped box of fine chocolates on February 14th, you must not love them.
In a healthy relationship, if you tell your partner that you love them every day of the year, you don’t need a special day designated by the chocolate industry (AKA Big Cocoa).
She expected me to pay for dates and she never even offered a penny.
Most people enjoy buying dinner for their significant other, from time to time. But if your partner expects it every time, it can become a bit much.
This type of entitled behavior is typical of a High Maintenance partner. They feel like they are a prize, and that they need to be treated as such. They will never reach for their own wallet.
In a healthy relationship, both parties offer to pay for dates. This is not the year 1935.
She called me to pick her up from her mom and dad’s place after I finished a long day at work, on the other side of town.
Am I a chauffeur?
High Maintenance people are always expecting to be driven here or there.
It’s unreasonable for my partner to expect me to drive from one end of the city to the other, in traffic, just so she can spend the night at my place. I’m working tomorrow, for Pete’s sake!
In a healthy relationship, both people take responsibility for their own transportation and also have respect for each other’s time.
She was a professional crier.
I’m a sucker for a few tears. When a girl starts to cry, I give them anything they want. Waterworks are a way that High Maintenance people try to manipulate their partners.
High Maintenance people are controlling, and the crying assists them in getting what they want. Sometimes there are legitimate reasons to cry, but these types of people cry at the smallest inconvenience.
In a healthy relationship, conversation, consideration, and compromise, not tears, are what helps each party satisfy their needs and desires.
A few final thoughts
Ifeel like I was a different person when I dated a High Maintenance girl. Nowadays, as I’ve grown older and wiser, I can’t imagine staying in that type of relationship.
Perhaps it was loneliness or the fear of being alone that kept me with her.
My friends weren’t vocal about her. I know they wanted to be supportive. I do, however, remember the glances they gave each other when she would say or do something out of the ordinary.
One time, she sulked at a restaurant, in front of my friends, because she wasn’t sitting in the center of the table where the bulk of the conversation was taking place.
She often criticized the way I dressed or spoke. Why? Because she was concerned about how she would look to others when she was with me. I wasn’t good enough for her, in her eyes.
It was a selfish relationship.
I know that now. Ultimately, High Maintenance people are just that: selfish. Hopefully, if you recognize some of these traits in yourself, or in your partner, you will address them before it’s too late.
High Maintenance people care mainly about themselves. Relationships are not meant to be that way. It’s important to be with someone who puts the same amount of effort into supporting your success and well-being as you do into theirs.
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This post was previously published on Medium.com.
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