He looked down at his legs while I cried.
He had lost his job. And I knew form the second I received his text that he would leave.
I found myself pleading. Negotiating. Straight-up just asking.
Stay. Please. For the love of God, just stay.
He didn’t. Within two weeks he was driving cross country for a new job as I found myself once again rubbing the tears off my face in the car.
And I couldn’t help but think.
Once — Just once, it would be nice if someone stuck around.
Look, I get it.
People have jobs. Lives. In his case, he struggled badly with ADHD (even on meds).
But the feeling was still the same.
Time and time again, I find myself left behind. Pushed to the side so they can pursue something better. Written out of their story.
Quite frankly, it’s tiring.
You get used to feeling like an accessory in people’s lives, but never a feature.
And when you try to meet another person, the thought sits in the back of your mind that they will probably leave you too.
Staying is not popular these days.
It’s easier to run. Easier to not get hurt. Easier to ignore a text message than face the consequences of telling someone you want something else.
At the end of the day, there’s one person you can rely on to stay.
Yourself.
When everyone else is gone. When the lights fade on your love. When the door is slammed in your face.
At least you can say that you have yourself.
So, I pick myself up once again. I reaffirm that if nobody is going to stay, I’ll at least nurture myself. I will at least take care of myself. I will at least be the partner I deserve.
And when the right one comes along.
He can stay with me too.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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 Escape the “Act Like a Man” Box |
 The Lack of Gentle Platonic Touch in Men’s Lives is a Killer |
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Photo credit: Francisco Gonzalez on Unsplash
