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Four months ago, I flew from Providence Rhode Island to Paris France for $150 after I said goodbye to my best friend, a 28-toed feline soulmate. Most of my belongings went into the garbage. I kept what I could locked haphazardly in a storage space. I didn’t say goodbye to my friends. I arrived in Europe with just enough money to have a meal and take the Metro.
I was aware of how deeply shattered my heart was and how dangerous this was considering my only housing option was the city homeless shelter. I had no one to call for help. I knew I would have killed myself within days, due to the embarrassment and shame I felt for failing. You see, I had failed at being a man, whatever the F that is supposed to mean.
Here are 5 reasons Why I Willingly Risked Everything (Without a Back-Up Plan).
#5 Truth
I want the truth. I want to tell the truth. I want to experience truth. I want to know what the truth is. Give me truth or stay away. Period.
#4 Love
Until 2018, I never had a real love life. I had no experience being myself and being appreciated, without all the baggage. Fact is, leaving the United States is akin to my baggage not making it onto the plane; basically being lost. I learned a lot about love and intimacy this year. I am determined to learn from my inexperience and lack of training and become the man I was born to be: a good man! I am attracting phenomenal women. I am being very honest, open and direct about important relational topics and I am also firmly steering all human interactions toward having friendship and trust as the necessary foundation.
#3 Honor
This is simple. I owed people money. I was going to die in the United States. It was a tremendously hard ethical dilemma for me to navigate. If I ended my time here on our beautiful planet, then all the debts—which comparatively, are not so bad—would not have been life-ending for the people owed. I simply am not ok with hurting other people or leaving debts and schisms unresolved. It would be disgracefully dishonorable for me to not find a way to make things right, which for me includes resolving financial and other past life issues. Nor do I accept my life being harmed by debt. It feels like am wearing cement shoes. I can’t stand it. I knew that by jumping into the unknown of Europe, I could become me, unhindered, and knowing that my honor was at stake, I can be the bull—not just take a bull by the horns.
#2 Health
I am 44 years old and never truly have I been healthy. It makes no difference the reasons why this had been the case. It would be a deception to claim I have done much of anything about this in 2018. I was in 19 different countries. In Paris, I squatted in an abandoned building with 15 traumatized African migrants and others. All our food was from dumpsters. We had gourmet feasts representing the flavors of 6 or 7 different African regional cuisines. I ate vegan quite often and often I ate anything I could. You learn a lot being a survivor when all you’ve got are other survivors. I am beginning to think about eating better for the right reasons. I did not risk everything to then not do what is necessary to enjoy the fruits of my toil.
#1 Happiness
I had let other people take it from me. I learned this the painful way. Learning how to cultivate, nurture, and live happily may be best learned through loss and savage abandonment. In 4 months, I have learned how to be happy from within. The gifts became endless and the blessings continue.
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Photo credit: Flickr