Chelsea Avery says that when you think about everything an engagement stands for, this is why guys should wear one.
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Marriage is much more than fancy rings, a big wedding and filing taxes together. Marriage is about creating a partnership with someone who empowers you to live life to the fullest and who gives you bites of his/her differently flavored ice cream cone.
It was important to him to do the proposing, and he wanted it to be a surprise.
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As to be expected, to get the marriage ball rolling it starts with a proposal that leads into engagement. Typically this involves a cute couple, where the boyfriend drops to his knee, pulls out a little box with a sparkly engagement ring and asks his girlfriend to spend forever with him (side note: I’m all about the women proposing, too. Go after what you want, ladies)!
When friends and loved ones find out about this new relationship status, one of the very first questions asked is “Can I see the ring??” The second question is usually “I’m invited to the wedding, right?!” because the first thing you do after getting engaged is to create your guest list and not immediately make out for hours. Priorities.
The ring question is always asked to the woman as we all assume the man’s finger will remain naked until the wedding day. But…why? Why don’t men wear engagement rings?
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I get that not everyone is into jewelry, and not everyone wears an engagement ring or even wedding band but let’s pause for a minute to think about what these rings symbolize.
That little ring (or massive ring depending on your tax bracket) represents more than just a new accessory that you watch in the mirror as you attempt to brush your teeth with your left hand for the sparkles.
My engagement ring symbolized the following to me leading up to our wedding day 2.5 years later:
- A fancy accessory to show off my new relationship status to family and friends.
- Commitment to spending the rest of my life being the best person and partner I could be.
- I was taken–off the market over here, folks! Move along..
Shouldn’t my new fiancé be showing off the same things?
When my then-boyfriend-now-husband and I talked about potentially getting married and spending the rest of our lives together, we also talked about our engagement. We discussed what was important to us, the ring situation and what we wanted it to look like (I wanted my favorite foods to be involved and let the record state I got my potato burrito right before he proposed). After all, this was both of our experiences to be engaged, so we talked about what we wanted.
It was important to him to do the proposing and he wanted it to be a surprise but would also take into consideration that I did not want to enter a hot air balloon or be a spectacle in front of a bunch of people.
We looked at engagement rings together because in my mind if I’m wearing the ring until I croak, I want a say in how it looks. It was then we started talking about looking at rings for him. Now he’s a good Southern boy from Texas so at first he was a little weirded out because men don’t usually wear an engagement ring. Thankfully, he has an open mind, so we explored it more.
I shared with him my feelings about it being a symbol of our commitment because for us when I accepted his proposal that was a done deal. We had already committed to being together forever. I wanted him to have this tangible commitment on his hand too.
The fun thing about it being the 21st century is that we have a lot more freedom to make choices for what works for us and are less forced to live by outdated expectations.
On top of that, I was about to marry quite the looker who also happens to be super friendly to everyone (again, nice Southern boy). I wanted it to be clear he was also off the market, even if he’s friendly to you. Women often walk around with this “I’m taken” accessory while men typically remain with bare fingers until the wedding day.
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The ring he picked out was originally supposed to turn into his wedding band.
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My then-boyfriend-now-husband agreed as we continued to talk about how we wanted our engagement, wedding and marriage to look. A quick reminder that discussing openly and honestly how you want your marriage to look should be a conversation that is had well before any commitment is made (and continue through the course of your marriage).
He wanted to show people he was spoken for, and he also liked sporting something he’d never worn before. The ring he picked out was originally supposed to turn into his wedding band but of course, three weeks before our wedding he had to have a new wedding band he randomly saw while passing by a jewelry store in Portland, Oregon. Big perk to men’s rings? They are ridiculously more affordable than the typical women’s engagement ring. We got both of those suckers for under $450!
Again, marriage is more than rings, holding hands and stealing the covers from each other. Consider starting out the whole process as partners, both wearing a symbol of your love, commitment and the ‘back off I’m taken!’ look.
If you are planning to get engaged, ladies talk to your men about wearing an engagement ring and men feel honored to participate in this symbolic gesture of love, commitment and ice cream sharing!
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Photo: Flickr/ Jeremy Blanchard
I thoroughly enjoyed reading this. My good ol’ southern boy from Texas is the one who had the idea to wear and engagement ring. He’s made several complaints about not having a ring to reflect on everyday. Today I’m going to surprise him by re-proposing to him (we’ve been engaged for a year). <3
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I completely agree and have just purchased an engagement ring for my hubby to be as well 🙂 there’s just one thing that worries me, and that’s because it looks quite wedding band-y, as you also mentioned with your husbands ring. How did you choose a wedding band to go with and compliment the other? Will it not look like he’s wearing two wedding bands? They’re also thicker than a woman’s band so will it take too much room on his finger? How did you choose? I’ve tried Google for answers but all I get is marketing and advertising. This… Read more »
You mentioned that discussing openly and honestly how you want your marriage to look should be a conversation that is had well before any commitment is made. Are more and more men wearing engagement rings now? My friend is finally proposing to his girlfriend of 6 years and is trying to find an engagement ring. Finding the right engagement ring might be a good option.
I don’t know. I’d like something a bit more manly. Personally, I’d have liked an engagement big screen TV. Rather then a ring, It can still be a symbol of commitment to the world. I could wear like a military arm patch showing a picture of the TV. When I went to work, just as women go running and ooh, and ah about that engagement ring, guys would come running to ooh and ah my new TV. The guys could even come over and watch it (nice validation of my commitment I think)> And yes, we picked out her engagement… Read more »
An engagement big screen tv!!! I like how you think lol 🙂
My fiancee just purchased my engagement ring for me yesterday. I firmly believe that men should wear a ring as well. It is just unfair to take a beautiful, loving, smart, hard-working, strong, and confident woman off the market when her lazy, fat, and sort of handsome partner has nothing to show for his own commitment. It is only fair for both to wear rings. If the man doesn’t wear one, the woman shouldn’t have to either (hey, more $ saved!). If the woman wears a ring, so should the man. I expect this trend to pick up and be… Read more »
Excellent write up Chelsea; agree, that the woman should pay for the man’s engagement ring. The jewellers obviously love the whole idea as they have been succesful in creating the anniversary ring, the eternity ring and what not to woo the lady back into the store, but the engagement ring for the man hasnt had much uptake yet. The man sadly does tend to pay for everything- the wedding rings, the engagement rings, and gosh the eternity rings and his own ring. Please see this for my write up: https://simplysuave.co.nz/blog/who-pays-for-the-mens-wedding-ring
I want to put my wife engagement ring,she also want me to put engagement ring too,it is a good idea or its sound stupid.let me know soon.im throwing engagement party soon on 26 December.
Reply ASAP
Thanks
Fedi
I did pay for half of my ring (in reply to the above). To me, it decreases the value of the wedding ring (traditionally, the engagement ring is worn on the right hand, like any other ring until the wedding band is placed on the finger). I love the importance of the symbolism behind the wedding band. An engagement ring no more says ‘you’re spoken for’ than a ‘wifey’ shirt. I find the whole concept superfluous, though. People will know ‘you’re spoken for’ by how you act.
I wouldn’t even say that the split had to be 50 /50. If one person made twice as much, it’s OK for them to pay 2/3. That would show the same level of commitment.
I don’t really have a problem with this idea, but I agree with John above. If he buys hers, she should buy his. Or put both costs together and split them since women’s rings are so much more expensive…
totally agree 8ball! i’m all for sharing the costs because you are right, women’s rings can be outragelously expensive
I love your idea, Mr. Anderson.
agree! seems totally reasonable
Why stop there? If you’re going to do it right, why not share that other symbolic gesture, the financial commitment and share the cost of the rings. That’s right. From what I’ve heard the wedding ring was partly a financial investment something similar to earnest money. If she’s coming off the market, you’re putting money into it to show your sincerity. Shouldn’t women make the same financial commitment?
love it john! i think that’s a great idea and something i should have added to the article because that’s a great point. thanks for sharing your thoughts!
You can thank clever targeted marketing for the cost of diamond engagement rings, the industry was failing and then someone had the idea of giving presentations to high school boys which “standardized” the diamond engagement ring and how many months salary a ring should cost, and artificially drove the prices up. They also tried to market men’s engagement rings in the 1920’s but the idea never took off.