Bettina Goodwin discusses her marital foundation—how her and her husband are able to cultivate constant harmony with one another.
We are a constant reminder of that loving presence every day of our lives together; but we can also be a reminder of the pain. We’ve learned how to be together lovingly in both these instances.
When we are both in that loving space there is peace, harmony, contentment, passion, intimacy and love. We like to spend as much time as possible together in this space for obvious reasons.
But we’re human; and as such, there are times when our pain rises to the surface. Often times when it occurs for one of us, the other is able to remain connected to loving presence, holding that safe space so the one in pain can be fully with it to acknowledge, feel and move through it. And it’s comforting to not be afraid to be in that feeling place, surrounded by love, the reminder of who we are beneath the struggle. Although it’s never fun to feel the hurt, the sting is softened by a partner who can love you through it. And in spite of the struggle, there remains a certain amount of peace, harmony and love.
And then there are the times when we have both forgotten the love and are full-on facing our fear, anger, guilt or shame. There may be some unloving words or actions, an extra dose of hurt hurled one way or the other. It’s a blip, a misstep; we are out of alignment, not only with each other, but with our own source of love within.
When my husband and I first got together we experienced a lot of these missteps as we adjusted to each other and went through the lessons of how to be in relationship in a conscious way.
As time has gone on, we have become much better at moving through these moments of misalignment, avoiding blame, judgment and criticism. We know that speaking from our pain causes more pain. We know that there is no way resolution can come from it and the moment our awareness kicks in, we step back, take some time alone and sit in the stillness that will show us how to resolve the issue within ourselves.
Once we’ve done that we can reconnect again in the space of peace, harmony, contentment, passion, intimacy and love.
We’ve learned not to fight. We’ve realized that when we are out of alignment with each other, we are out of alignment with ourselves and we start to correct that within our own consciousness first.
We’ve learned that forgiveness is a great healer and that means most importantly, forgiving ourselves.
And we have learned that the way to find peace and true love with each other is to know it within ourselves and bring that into the relationship.
There will always be times when we are out of step with each other, but we are comforted by the knowledge that we will always find our way back to that beautiful rhythm of loving presence.
[image: via J.K. Califf on flickr]