Greg White may not have the cojones to wear a skirt, but he’s certainly free to think about it.
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It seems to me that men should wear skirts and women wear slacks.
When I enlisted in the Marine Corps, I was thrown boxer shorts at uniform issue. I almost handed them back and asked for briefs. I’d never even held boxers, much less worn them. Boxers made no sense to me. They were too loose, like my overly permissive parents. Where was the support? What was their purpose?
I hated wearing boxer shorts. Briefs keep dangling bits tight and in place. Being yelled at by the Marine issuing them to me had the same effect on my testicles, but my penis was free to swing around in my trousers because of the loose underwear. Ironically, thanks to the free-flowing boxers, the Marine Corps had given my genitals all sorts of freedom. It got better.
I defended my country and now I’m a civilian, free to wear whatever’s on sale. A skirt seems a better fit for men. First, most men are grateful to give up their goodies; skirts provide easy access. Women wear their virtue a little closer to the chest, so the confines of slacks support that security.
I have pants with complicated zippers and button flaps. Access resembles the opening sequence of the old television show Get Smart where he has to pass through all those doors. When I need to pee, I need to pee right then. Guys don’t even need a bathroom. If we wore skirts, we’d save like two steps. We’d have more time to put the lid back down.
Skirts offer storage space. I don’t want to carry a purse, but I’d love to stash stuff under my skirt and pull it out when needed. “Got a match?” I’d simply reach under the loose fabric and in a flash I’d be striking the flint against my boot heel. Chivalry isn’t dead, it’s just not that easy to access.
Men love to strike bold poses. Pants constrict that. That time Angelina Jolie stuck her leg out of her dress, like a kickstand, I said, “Wow, there’s someone in charge.” I’d be a more effective leader if I could confidently pop my legs two feet apart to begin a business meeting.
When Sharon Stone crossed and uncrossed her legs, of course she got my attention. I mean she didn’t even have to hitch up her khakis. In pants, I’m one squirm away from knee injury.
I need to let Gwyneth Paltrow know that it’s men’s parts that need a good ironing. Our genitals are super-wrinkly already; pants make it worse. When I get undressed at night, it takes an hour for my skin to unfold. A skirt would never let that happen. And throughout the day, if wind blew my skirt up, I’d be grateful for the refreshment.
When Thoreau wrote, “Go confidently in the direction of your dreams,” he was talking to me. And I can walk forth easier in not pants. Perhaps I’ll live longer due to the extra cardio. Women live longer than men, this wardrobe switch might even our lifespans out.
I might not have the balls to wear a skirt, but I’m free to think about it.
This is inspired by my completed memoir, The Pink Marine. I’m currently deciding whether to self-publish.
This post originally appeared on the Huffington Post. Reprinted with permission.
Photo: Getty Images
First a Kilt IS a Skirt by definition. It is usually tartan, hot, heavy and costly and completely unnecessary because there are thousands of styles of skirts for women and SOME of those are perfect for men as is without modifications. (A skirt will fit men and women equally…surprise surprise)! Men just need to find one that fits their taste. I like “Cargo Mini Skirts” because they are usually plain or camo, have many pockets, belt loops and generally non fem looking but VERY practical. Men have worn skirts throughout time far longer than women have and top clothing designers… Read more »
Taking it Jeremy is the Jeremy, I would say if anyone could bring a normal skirt for men under the attention of all, he is the man to do it.. Hence Jeremy, go for it.
As for the argument pro, you named them all. In addition thereto, whenever driving through a toll booth, you wallet has less chance of sliding between your legs.
And why wouldn’t men wear skirts like women wear trousers? Furthermore, the skirt is by origin male attire.
The skirt in your picture does make more practical sense for men, especially the health benefits as certain parts, ahem, overheat when stuck in trousers and close fitting underwear all day and can be the cause of male cancers. Although the kilt is the ultimate ‘manly’ item of clothing, the price and practicality would put potential buyers off. Handling a heavy, pleated (sometimes itchy) skirt would hardly encourage men, the simple act of having to lift it and sit to answer the call of nature would be awkward (easier to take the kilt off), wheras a chino or denim pencil… Read more »
I agree skirts & dresses are more comfortable for men because they allow sweat to run to off around the groin and M testicles where as pants or shorts don’t
A kilt provides all the benefits of a skirt without the social stigma. In fact, nothing screams “MAN” quite like a man in a kilt. Kilts are customarily worn “regimental” (commando or free-ball), if a man has the cajones to do that. A sporran takes care of all those things a man normally puts in his pockets. A kilt is also universal. The same kilt can be worn when tossing a caber or to a royal wedding, depending on the rest of the ensemble. There are a handful of “universal” tartans which just about any man can wear, however, specific… Read more »
“A kilt provides all the benefits of a skirt without the social stigma.”
The social stigma will never go away if there are not brave men who lead the path. You can’t be too afraid of the “social stigma” that you let the status quo continue limiting your choices. Women have done it; so can men
Skirts do make more sense for men
If you wish to begin down the path of an un-bifurcated lifestyle, think about wearing a Kilt.
It really is too bad that objects have become so sexualized when by themselves are just objects. Skirts are just cloth that covers a person. That’s it but became so identified with a particular sex. It really makes more sense for men to wear skirts and women for wearing trousers. But i think society is so worried about the potential carnal nature of men that they feat they will flash everyone they see so are leery of men not having a hard time doing that.
Wouldn’t women have the same problem?