You never know where an idea will take you.
This conversation came as responses to 6 Weird Double Standards For Men (and Women!) in Dating by Joanna Schroeder. It’s a great example of how an article can create an opportunity to respectfully share ideas and educate one another.
Tiffany N. York, in response to 6 Weird Double Standards For Men (and Women!) in Dating:
I’m not a prude by any means, but I still can’t wrap my head around polygamy. Why get married at all? You can still be in a committed relationship and live together. Why does everyone have such a compulsion to be married when the institution itself rarely works? I see so many unhappy marriages, it’s pathetic. But I digress. My point is emotions are powerful, and imo it’s extremely difficult for everyone in a polyamorous relationship to be on the same page emotionally at all times. I’ve seen it work for a while, but not long-term. Inevitably, someone always wants more or something different, or the dynamics get messed up if the wife is no longer top dog. Human beings may not be monogamous by nature, but they always seem to want a commitment with that one special person who’s got their back. How many people say, “I really want a committed relationship with 3 people. That’s my dream.”?
silke, in response to Tiffany N. York:
Tiffany
Why get married?
There are lots of reasons.
One important reason ,at least where I live is that people around you will protect your relationskip more when you are married than when you are not and I confess I seldom tell married friends to split up when things are terrible but I do say so to friends that cohabitate. I am guilty of the same attitudes.Don’t like ads? Become a supporter and enjoy The Good Men Project ad freeI do not know anything about the laws in the US but in my country marriage will protect a woman many times more than if she choose to live with a man even if they have a lawyer to draw up a good contract.
That being said, I am not at all I will marry again…..
Joanna Schroeder, in response to silke and Tiffany N. York:
I think you get married for the legal benefits – this document makes you family and saves a lot of money and mess with parenting, owning property together, power of attorney, etc etc etc.
Non-monogamous relationships don’t mean you aren’t invested in your primary partner. They just mean that they don’t follow the traditional “no other partners except as a secret” model.
And absolutely some people have a dream of being committed (in some way or another) with more than one person.
This is like homosexuality in a way – people say “I just don’t get it. Why can’t you just choose to NOT be gay?” – some people view poly as an orientation. Some people can’t just choose to be monogamous, but that doesn’t mean they shouldn’t have all the rights and privileges of marrying one person and forming a family with them. Just because you can’t imagine it doesn’t mean it’s not something others don’t feel. Some people can’t imagine being gay. But that doesn’t make it less real to the people who are.
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