Forget a hot bod! I just want someone who knows himself.
Self-awareness is the ability to look inside yourself, read your own behavior and feelings, and rationally consider the implications of those actions and thoughts. To be self-aware is to understand that what you say and do affects people — and to have that fact matter to you.
Having this quality is to possess the most attractive trait of any potential partner. If you’re lucky enough to find someone fitting that description, marry him or her, immediately.
Self-aware people don’t deal in BS.
People who know themselves have an air of confidence that comes from a place of comfort, not desperation. They don’t need to bullshit you, belittle you, or strike on your insecurities. They’re not threatened or jealous. They know their limitations, and freely own up to them.
Self-awareness is the basis for every other valuable quality we hold dear in people we love most — and the people we find most interesting and sincere. You know who you are, and are confident in who that person is. It’s easy to be kind, because your empathy allows you to understand the feelings of others. You can be emotionally available because you take the time to process your feelings in order to deal with them and foster fruitful relationships.
This is why we should seek out self-awareness as a golden trait in people we choose as partners.
Self-aware couples enjoy true depth.
The depth of personality and true sincerity that self-aware people have makes human relationships infinitely more interesting and rewarding. The key to understanding another person and connecting with them on a whole new level of clarity starts from within — and will allow a couple to enjoy a closeness so many other people never have.
Self-aware people have better senses of humor.
A self-aware partner can be funny because they understand what makes something funny. They can be self-deprecating, not because they’re profoundly insecure, but as a way to share their understood shortcomings.
As an example, take a look at Amy Schumer and Lena Dunham. Schumer is a truly confident woman who uses her humor as a means to help women feel less alone; while Lena Dunham’s humor comes from some very obvious, deep-seated insecurities. She creates a guise of unconvincing self-awareness through self-deprecating humor, and it is a much less attractive form of “comedy” — one that really isn’t funny, but rather very sad. Schumer has it; Dunham only pretends to have it. It is the very key to what makes any comedian funny or any person at all worth listening to.
Self-aware people are honest.
A person who possesses self-awareness will not lie to you. They will not mosey around the truth to “spare your feelings.” You need to trust your friends and partners to be straight with you. If you don’t have that, how can you trust them with anything at all?
These people are direct with their intentions and with what they want. It’s respectable. I can dig it.
When you’ve seen the crappy ripple effect lies and dishonesty have on a relationship first-hand, you know the wisest thing you can do is to refuse to engage with that insane garbage anymore. Self-awareness can come off as gruff or too blunt, but it’s real — and real is always the best.
Self-aware people have the most profound understanding of empathy.
It is only through the internalization of each other’s emotions that we can understand the pain and suffering inherent in the world around us. A self-aware person is cognizant of his or her surroundings to such a profound degree that their empathy becomes next-level.
Self-aware people make better friends and partners because they have this respect and awe of everyone’s human experience happening around them. This creates a sense of meaning and connection that most people just don’t have.
When it comes to dating, I’ll take my boyfriend with a side of self-awareness.
I will not stand for a jerk who isn’t able to value the weight of my feelings while, at the same time, able to develop and process his own. Would you?
Photo credit: Getty Images