Why She Can’t Resist Your Words

Compliments are magical speech. They are irresistible when they are well intended, genuine expressions of appreciation of her or some quality she possesses. When delivered correctly, compliments will leave very long-lasting impressions.

What the science reveals

Perhaps not surprisingly researchers have found aside from making the receiver feel good, compliments also have the ability to deliver a boost to the giver as well. Specifically, the scientists have found:

The same area of her brain that lights up when she receives cash is the same that lights up when you give her a compliment. Evidently, the brain regards receiving a compliment as much a social reward as getting cash;
Researchers also found that you will also be in a better mood after delivering a sincere, thoughtful compliment;
Compliments tend to increase the positivity in the air;
For the ones giving the compliment, focusing on the good qualities around them not only boosts their moods but is also a kind of cognitive training;
Though it is natural to worry about not being able to deliver a compliment effectively, however, even when awkwardly delivered, compliments will still make the receiver feel good. Just be sincere;
Compliments are powerful motivators for her to put in more effort. People usually try to do more of what brings them praise, and lastly
One of the superpowers of compliments as studies show is that they help receivers overcome their insecurities when they focus on the meaning behind the compliments.
You should watch this video below for a brief demonstration of the pleasant effects focusing on the meaning behind the compliments has on different couples.

What type of compliments do women want?

Short answer, the type that shows appreciation for qualities or work that she actually values. You can never go wrong with those.

Generally, people think the compliments women like to hear all have to do with their looks. Well, they do like to hear them from time to time but not all the time. If that is all you ever compliment her on, she is going to start thinking that is all you ever focus on. That maybe you are shallow.

There is so much more to a woman that you can compliment her on to make her feel good. You can focus on aspects of her personality, her skills, her tastes, her smarts, her sense of humor, or the passion with which she pursues her interests. Really, the list is quite long.

How you can give compliments that work like magic?

A couple of things:

1. They need to be genuine, sincere expressions because most women have inbuilt b.s filters.
2. They do not have to be the most eloquent words you have ever spoken to a woman (See 1 above).
3. The more specific they are the better. “You gave a great presentation,” is okay but, “your brilliant presentation really showed your passion,” is so much better.
4. Need to be forthright and deliberate and not seem merely incidental;
5. You need to give them at the right time and place -don’t tell a colleague she looks gorgeous when she’s rushing to the E.R to perform emergency surgery.

Warning on fake Compliments

Though it has been variously declared that flattery will get you anywhere, somewhere, or nowhere, you should know that most women have receptors that can usually pick up those transparent, hollow-sounding, excessive, fake praises.

In this case, your fake praises will make her suspicious of your intentions and make you seem like someone not to be trusted. Such things can undermine your relationship or any chance of one.

The only victims that usually fall for fake praises are insecure women who are starving or attention. It is effective with them because their insecurities make them want to be told good things about themselves, but then that will make you a manipulator.

Note to ladies

Learning to accept compliments is an important social skill as well. It helps keep the positivity generated by the compliment in the air. So smile and accept them graciously.

Don’t discount compliments too quickly. When you trivialize the object of the praise it makes the genuine compliment giver feel like a fool for noticing something that was not worth noticing. It can get awkward real quick.

Accepting compliments is, therefore, healthy for the relationships because you will be validating the compliment giver’s expressions of appreciation. So, in reality, you are giving something back.

Also know that just because you accept compliments it doesn’t mean you are full of yourself. On the contrary, gracefully accepting sincere compliments means you have a sense of self-worth by not rejecting that which you know to be true.

Takeaways

We need to learn to give compliments is a is an asset in relationships. It lets partners know that their qualities, the good that they do, or the changes they are making are noticed and appreciated.

Compliments are a plus for the giver as well because they show awareness of the good that is around him/her. And the expression of the appreciation of those qualities will encourage more effort to sustain them.

To be effective compliments need not be in the most eloquent, flowery speech they just need to be genuine.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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