One of the biggest lies of our centuries is the idea that “love is unconditional”. You give your all to someone without expecting anything in return. Bullshit!
We all have expectations from our loved ones and rightly so.
The problem only arises when we begin to hide the hurt of our unmet expectations under smiling faces.
We often feel disappointed when our loved ones forget an important occasion, when they fail to listen to us, or when they shared something that we wanted to be kept private.
In such situations, many of us have tendencies to hide our hurt under the cover of normality and secretly hope that our loved ones would understand it without requiring us to feel naked about our disappointing emotions. We fear looking weak, vulnerable, and desperate.
If we continue to do this, we run into a habit of not speaking that which has hurt us and always hoping to be understood without speaking. Over time, this brings up resentment and leads to spoiled relationships due to declining trust and unhealthy modes of communication.
A mature thing to do to save the health of the overall relationship is to readily express our hurt as immediately as possible.
It involves moving past the fear of being criticized and putting effort into directly speaking about our disappointments.
You might fear looking needy but as long as you are polite, you are anything but needy. And if your loved ones are not acknowledging your needs and making you feel bad about them, then it is a sign of you being in an unhealthy relationship from which you should distance yourself as soon as possible.
Speaking up only has benefits, either your needs will be met and some compromise settled on, or you would know if the relationship is worth staying.
Give it a try the next time, and let me know how it goes!
[CREDITS: School of Life, Youtube]
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This post was previously published on MEDIUM.COM.
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From The Good Men Project on Medium
What Does Being in Love and Loving Someone Really Mean? | My 9-Year-Old Accidentally Explained Why His Mom Divorced Me | The One Thing Men Want More Than Sex | The Internal Struggle Men Battle in Silence |
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