Some say…
Marriage is the end of love” or “Marriage kills romance”
Others say…
“I’ve seen too many guys get screwed over by marriage.”
Quite unfortunate because..
Marriage is supposed to be what everyone is excited about.
It’s meant to be one of the most important life goals. That comes with dreams, excitement, fantasy and fulfillment.
Marriage is also usually seen as the ultimate relationship milestone and it’s expected to be a symbol of love, commitment, stability, progress and maturity.
But recently, most men stopped viewing it that way. Rather, they see it like a partnership that leads to a trap. Or a ploy just to scam them.
Why?
1. The Fear of Loss of Freedom
Most men believe that marriage comes with restrictions. Restrictions on time, attention, money or even social life. Also the pressure to meet up with your partner’s expectations.
They find the need for approval or consideration of their partner’s perspective on matters or decision making suffocating.
2. Divorce Rate is Alarming
Who isn’t scared of divorce?
Maybe women…let’s be sincere.
Marriage to men seems like a risky gamble where the chances of winning are very slim.
Especially with divorce rates increasing and many laws especially in developed countries favoring women in divorce settlements. Men worry about losing what they have worked for in good times of their lives.
For men, merely saying “i do” feels like signing a slavery contract that comes with costly emotional and financial burdens.
3. Shift in Gender Dynamics
Naturally, traditional marriage places men in the position of a provider, protector, problem solver, and the head.
But westernization today has changed this dynamics. Because women too have evolved, this make many men feel undervalued or unnecessary in modern marriages or relationships.
If you’re not going to respected or appreciated, then why commit to such course?
The expectations of the society for men in marriages also makes it more like a duty than a loving connection. And some men feel no matter what they give, there will never be enough.
Is Marriage truly a scam?
While it must be maintained that the points above are true, marriage is not necessarily the problem.
It is the mode or mindset at which it is approached. Marriage should be built on mutual understanding, shared goals, and respect.
Instead, fund a partner whose goals and value system and vision aligns with yours,
The solution of seeing marriage as a trap or scam isn’t avoiding it. The solution is to be mindful of the mindset you enter it with and the type of partner and their expectations as well.
Final Thoughts
Most men are not actually scared of committing to marriage, they are only scared of the unfairness in the commitment.
Until the marriage is seen as a true partnership not some parasitic relationship with one-sided benefits. Men may continue to opt out.
Do you agree or disagree with any of my points or you have a different perspective on the matter?
Let’s hear from you in the comments.
Thanks
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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Photo credit: Tim Mossholder on Unsplash
