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Here is a summary of the transcript from YouTube, slightly edited with AI.

When People Aren’t Putting in the Effort

If you are sick and tired of dating advice because it feels like all dating advice is essentially geared toward people who are actually getting on real dates—and you’re stuck in a dating world where the other side isn’t trying at all—not only are they not serious about having a relationship, they’re not even serious about meeting in person—then this video and what I’m about to say next is for you.

One of my Love Life members—this is a coaching group I work with year-round—asked me a question this week. She said, “I have been trying. I have been on dating apps. I even went to a speed dating event recently. I meet people and then nothing happens. I am trying. I want to go on dates. But I am starting to lose hope and motivation because people are not even putting in the littlest effort for it to go somewhere. What do I do when I am trying and nothing is happening on the other side?”

This is a big question. If you relate to this question, leave me a comment below. I want to hear from you.

But let me give you the answer that I gave her. I didn’t want to give her the typical answer people give in a situation like this, which is some version of, “It’s not you, it’s everybody else. Don’t worry about it. Don’t take it as a reflection of you.”

I think that’s a kind of trite answer that people find incredibly unhelpful. It might feel immediately reassuring in some way, but it doesn’t leave me any better off at the end of it because I’m still stuck in a world where it feels like nothing is happening.

So I gave what I believe to be the real answer to this question, which is this.

A Master Key

I wanted to tell you about a partnership I’ve just started that I’m excited about in the wellness space. If you know me, you know that wellness is important to me. I believe that physical wellness is absolutely a master key to mental wellness.

I told you at the beginning of this year that I wanted to bring you more of the products, services, and things that I’m trying in case you wanted to try them for yourself.

The partnership I’m talking about is with the company Huel, and they have two products that I’m using right now that I’m excited about.

The first one is Huel Black Edition. This is a powder you mix with water. It takes 30 seconds, and it is essentially a meal in a glass. It has all of your essential fats, 40 grams of protein, fiber, minerals, vitamins, carbs—everything in one place.

This is a lifesaver for me if I miss breakfast or if, in the middle of the day, I have meetings stacked back to back and I need something to ensure that I don’t miss a meal. This is what I can turn to instead. I’m enjoying it, and it tastes good.

The other product they’ve just launched, which I’m excited about, is their Daily Greens. It has 42 minerals, superfoods, vitamins, electrolytes, antioxidants, and 4 grams of fiber. It has loads of good stuff—only 1 gram of sugar and 25 calories.

This one is my favorite: apple, cucumber, and mint. They also have peach and hibiscus, blueberry, lemon, and thyme. They’re all great.

The good news is that we have a discount code for you. If you go to Huel’s website and use the code lovelife at checkout, you can get 15% off their entire range as a new customer if you spend over $75. Make sure you use the code lovelife at checkout.

Enjoy. And now back to the video.

“Not Serious” vs. “Not Moved”

I believe that the people we encounter are divided into two groups: the not serious and the not moved.

The not serious are the people that, frankly, we don’t need to worry about. They are not taking dating seriously. They do not want a serious relationship. Their motivations tell you everything you need to know about their behavior. They don’t want the same things as you.

Those aren’t the people we are trying to connect with.

I think the same thing when someone who is not serious about change engages with a video of mine and says, “Uh, this seems like so much work.” I’m like, “You’re not serious.” I’ve been doing this for 17 years. I’m here for people who actually want to change—who recognize that change and getting more results requires us to put in a little energy and investment. If that horrifies you, I know you’re not serious about change. That’s okay. That’s not who I’m trying to appeal to.

But the other group is the one we should be paying attention to. These are not the not serious people. These are the not moved.

They are the people that, for some reason, we have not connected with. We have not motivated them to want to hang out with us, see us, get on the phone with us—or in my case, watch a second YouTube video or join me in some bigger journey that I have.

I’m saying this because the issue that so many of you watching these videos are challenged by in dating is actually the same issue we’re all facing in one way or another.

I am out here speaking to you. I’m constantly thinking in terms of not serious and not moved. The reason I love this insight is that when I think about people I haven’t moved, I don’t take that personally anymore. I don’t take it as a reflection of my deeper worth.

I take it as a reflection of the fact that I am not telling a good enough story. There is something about the story I’m telling—or the way I’m connecting or not connecting—that is getting in the way of this person wanting to watch me again, join me on my retreat, or come to an event I’m doing.

There is something getting in the way. I have not told a compelling enough story.

How Do We Tell a Better Story?

It’s worth asking in our dating lives: who is not moved because of the story I’m telling?

You may ask, because that sounds abstract, “What do you mean by the story I’m telling? What does that mean? How do I tell a better story?”

We tell a better story by talking about our life in a more compelling way. When we talk about where we’re going and our future in a more compelling way. We can tell a better story without words—when we’re simply in someone’s presence and there’s a certain life and playfulness to us.

If someone was in sales, they might describe it like this: someone has their arms folded, and it’s your job to get them to unfold their arms.

Now, we may not want to be talking to people in dating who have their arms completely folded and are never going to uncross them. But it’s a useful idea—this idea that it is our job to move people in our direction.

Getting the Love Life You Want

Do you want to know the reason you can’t seem to get the love life you want?

It is not because you’re not attractive enough, special enough, or worthy enough. And despite how complicated dating seems to have become, beautiful new relationships are found every day. It is not some fairy tale. It’s real, and it is possible for you.

So then why does it feel like it works out for everyone else but you?

The truth is, the game of finding and keeping love is rigged for you to fail. It’s like this impossible competition of trying to prove you are more special than thousands of other people on dating apps—which is a game none of us can win.

On top of that, it feels like we’re forced into having to convince someone else to put in enough effort just to go on a first date, let alone invest in a committed relationship. And all of this before the real relationship has even begun.

At which point, for many of us, our own insecurities and self-sabotaging patterns start showing up.

Listen, we have to take back control and start playing this game on our own terms or nothing will change.

The good news is you can reset the way you approach your love life right now. When you do, things are finally going to start falling into place. I promise you, it is not too late.

That’s why I’m hosting a free live training called The Love Life Reset. Inside, I’m going to show you the one crucial step almost everyone misses—the step that hands you back your confidence, your peace, and your excitement for love.

If you want to take your power back, click the link, save your spot, and let’s do this together. I promise you, you can get different results in love.

Removing the Obstacles to Who We Really Are

The next question is: what’s getting in the way?

What is getting in the way of me moving people?

I don’t believe this is about bringing something to the table that we don’t have. I actually believe it’s about removing the obstacles to who we really are and to what we already have.

In my purest form, I’m someone who loves ideas. I love talking about ideas. I have a playfulness about me. I can be silly. I can be goofy. I can be serious. I can be lots of different things.

That doesn’t always come across when I make a video because sometimes something is getting in the way.

For me, it can be that I’m too worried about the numbers—whether the video will do well, whether enough people will watch it, whether it will get the right view count. If I get stuck in that, I’m no longer thinking about making an impact. I’m squinting, hoping it does well.

If I’m not in a good place in my day or my week and I show up to make a video, my playfulness isn’t going to come out. I’ll be a very serious version of myself, and people won’t see the different elements of my personality.

Those elements are part of what tells my story. It’s not just the literal storytelling. It’s the energy we convey that makes someone think, “I want to be around this person more.”

Taking Ourselves Too Seriously

Recently, I did a video about a free training I gave away. I recorded a serious version—just going through the details. Then I did another version holding a big gold deer decoration from my mom’s house, making it playful and a little ridiculous.

We sent both versions to the team. Guess which one they chose? The golden deer.

We ended up getting thousands of comments on that post. I believe it connected differently because it showed more of me.

But I can tell you right now, there have been difficult times in my life—times when the results mattered too much—when I took everything too seriously. I couldn’t have made the deer video because I was too in my head.

That’s what happens to so many people in dating.

You have enough rejections. Enough times where people let you down or don’t try. Enough nights where nothing happens. Enough dates where there’s no chemistry—or there was chemistry and then they never message you again.

You have enough of those moments that you start to question your value. You lose your playfulness. You start taking the whole thing very seriously. You panic. You look at it like a scoreboard: “Is this going to turn into something? I don’t have time to waste.”

And suddenly, those things start getting in the way of you being able to tell your story in a way that moves people.

But here’s what I love about this perspective: it allows us to look at ourselves without validating a sense of unworthiness.

It’s not that you’re not enough. It’s that however you’re telling your story right now isn’t moving people. That’s a beautiful way to be introspective without hurting your confidence.

If someone doesn’t get on a date with you, they can’t be rejecting a relationship with you. They’ve never had a relationship with you. It’s not a rejection of you. It’s a rejection of the story you told. That’s about what’s being projected—not about your value.

The Love Life Reset

In the middle of September, I’m hosting an event called The Love Life Reset.

If you feel like you’ve become stale in your dating life—if you want love badly and maybe even feel like you’re running out of time—but you also want to bring your best self to dating and feel like those things are in conflict, this is for you.

This is for people who are serious about bringing their best selves to the table but feel like something is getting in the way right now.

And it’s not just for singles. If you’re in a relationship and something is getting in the way of you being at your best—if you’re focused too much on what you don’t have, feeling insecure, getting jealous, struggling to advocate for your needs, or stuck in an unhealthy dynamic—this is for you too.

What we’re going to do in this free training is remove the obstacles to our best self.

I’m very excited about it. I really hope you’ll make it.

If you don’t sign up right now, that’s not on you. That’s on me. It means I didn’t tell a story that moved you.

But I sincerely hope I did, because once you get to the event, you’re going to be really glad you came.

Your Compelling Story

I appreciate you watching this video.

Tell me below: what do you think has gotten in the way of you moving people in your dating life? Is it rejection? Taking too many knocks? Insecurity?

What’s gotten in the way of you telling the most compelling story you can tell?

If we can ignore the people who are not serious and focus on moving the people who can be moved, I promise you new opportunities will begin to appear.

The world is not entirely made up of people who don’t make an effort. New relationships can happen. They are happening.

Let’s go find you one.

Don’t forget to sign up at lovelifereset.com. Leave me a comment below on what you thought of this video, and I’ll see you next time.

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This post was previously published on YouTube.

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