Heather Gray just wanted to say ‘Thank you’. It took her four weeks to say those words.
“I just wanted to say thank you. Because of your class, I see myself differently. It’s changed how I see myself and what I am capable of.”
That’s all I wanted to say. Shouldn’t be so hard. Yet, it took me four weeks to say those three sentences.
Why?
After all, I am a clinical social worker; some could say I praise people for a living. It’d even be true. Praising people and saying thank you are values of mine…they come rather easily and naturally.
My hesitancy may have had something to do with the setting. I was, after all, inside a mixed martial arts (MMA) gym. It’s just one, large open space where people are always milling about and it’s easy to listen to others’ conversations.
Sure, some could say I was worried about what others would think, but I know better. I don’t really care about what others think, especially if what I have to say will make someone else feel good.
Nope. It wasn’t the setting and it wasn’t because I felt exposed.
It was solely because this person I wanted to thank was a “tough guy”.
He’s young, physically fit, and leads a demanding fitness class that he’s kind enough to offer me modifications for when I need them. He values physical challenges and respects people who are willing to step up. He gets down to business and expects us to do the same.
I’ve risen to his challenges and my whole sense of self has changed, and all I wanted to do was say thank you. I entered the gym for three weeks with intent to say thank you, and left class for three weeks still silent.
I became shy and insecure. I worried he’d look at me, muffin top and all, and think to himself “Well, I don’t see the changes.”
It wasn’t the setting or because I felt exposed. It was solely because this person I wanted to thank was a “tough guy”.
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I wondered if I’d feel mocked by him and if my compliment would be blown off. When he’s making me stand on my head or do 100 weighted squat thrusts in a twenty minute span of time, I don’t really get the sense that he’s a touchy-feely kind of guy. Not to mention the fact that he doesn’t really look like he’s hurting for compliments.
If he didn’t respect me or my effort, maybe he wouldn’t respect the compliment and for me, it was a really important compliment! After all, how many times do we have reason to tell someone they’ve changed our lives?
I got caught up in my head and in nonsense.
Four weeks after first realizing that I owed this man my gratitude, I finally said those words.
You probably already know the punchline and the joke was on me.
He held his hand to his heart, humbled, grateful, and dare I say it-shy. He offered his sincere gratitude and in one moment, I knew. I had made his day, maybe even his week. I could have given him that moment a whole month earlier if only I had gotten out of my own way and used some common sense.
All guys, tough-looking or not, are just like anyone else. Appearances have nothing to do with it. If they’ve made a difference in someone else’s life, of course they’d want to know. Who wouldn’t?
Shame on me for thinking otherwise.
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This Post is republished on Medium.
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Photo credit: iStock
“I don’t get the sense that he is a touchy feely kind of guy…” Hee hee! He sounds a lot like my karate sensei…! I stuck it out for three years doing karate with my sensei and, yes, it forces you to undergo a tremendous transformation on multiple levels…you focus on the physical, but it’s not really all about that… I thanked my sensei by just showing up whenever I could, sometimes when it was just him and me, training one on one….sometimes he would show me old photos from his glory days in Okinawa and from major tournaments…he would… Read more »
It’s amazing the spirals we pull ourselves into sometimes. At the end of the day everyone (yes every single person) needs validation they are doing a good job, we shouldn’t feel ashamed to praise someone for what they are doing, in fact we should go out of our way to do so. There is too much “your doing it wrong” in the world already, we should be helping people be the best they can be by telling them “You’re doing it right”