I thought equality meant equal rights for everyone?
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With the remnants of this nasty election still lingering and third wave Feminism taking hold with odd demonstrations around the country, I can’t help but feel men are getting a bad rap on somewhat a daily basis. It’s becoming a bit of an epidemic and it needs to stop. I fear the message we are sending to our men in America. One that seems to only be getting louder, is the constant rhetoric of men being privileged and sexist and they just can’t seem to get it right with women. We are always disappointed. After all, we can just do it all ourselves anyway.
I thought equality meant equal rights for everyone? Shouldn’t equality include men too? If you simply look at the facts, men are suffering as well. That doesn’t mean I’m condoning bad behavior. No man should use force or manipulation on women. What I am saying is that labeling our men and spreading these hateful messages are very dangerous to the fabric of relationships and families.
In my experience most men are just looking to be appreciated for who they are and the contributions they can make to a partnership or any relationship. They value women and are happy to see us thrive. Isn’t about time we start telling our good men the positive value they bring to our lives?
To all of the wonderful men, I want to send this honest message:
As women we love you. We need you. You have been our protectors, our foundation, our calm.
I can’t do this life without you, nor do I want to. I need your kind words at the end of the day to stop my mind racing, I want your companionship that puts the humor in my day and takes the edge off my problems. I admire your perspective on the world, constantly challenging my thoughts. Your ability to work, travel, stay up late, get up early and show up every day in your ironed button down to work, looking fresh with a curious mind. Getting those bananas for us; every day. Holding doors, warming the car, carrying shit and packing more shit.
So, men don’t give up on us. We are just misguided by the lie that we can have it all without you.
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My daughter looks at you with a conscious mind. Always watching. Watching how you treat me. How you treat her. I can’t take the place of the example you are to her. Her grandfather, her uncle, her teacher, my friend, her cousin, her father. You will help shape her, you will help protect her. It’s in your DNA.
You have helped my career, given me tough advice, supported and stood by me when I had tears in my eyes. You showed me what it was like to deserve it all and go after it.
So, men don’t give up on us. We are just misguided by the lie that we can have it all without you. Why would we want to? You are just too important in the equation and your unique talents should be celebrated by everyone. I hope this is the message you choose to hear from us. Please hear it, because you are the good men and we need you.
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Photo: Getty Images
Oh, how I agree! You know, it boggles my mind how women honestly don’t know how important we are in the lives of men. We really think they don’t need us for anything “but sex” anyway, which plays into our fears of not being beautiful enough, or sexy enough, or whatever enough, to BE enough. Well, when we realize we ARE enough, that we are worthy and strong and deserving enough, we need to turn that approval to the men in our lives and give them that gift, too. I don’t think women understand the heavy burden of manhood. I… Read more »
Look out, because in Trump’s America, good men in public life and in community life will be unmanned. They will no longer be considered men at all.
I had to do a double take and check where I was reading this (total sarcasm). This was good reading and I can’t add too much to what’s already been said I am of a different generation, a generation that some men and women successfully the feminist messages and misconceptions / untruths being presented about men. Accordingly, I have a successful 42+ year marriage where as a “man” I’ve been appreciated for who I am and recognized for the role I’ve played in my wife and children’s lives. “So, men don’t give up on us.” Please tell this to my… Read more »
Congrats on your 42+ year marriage. We look up to couples like you. Please free free to share with your son by clicking one of the share options above.
Thank you …. unfortunately couples like us are becoming obsolete. “Things are different now” is what I commonly hear.
Tom, I would ask you what you mean by “being a man.” From your position vis à vis feminism and your being “of a different generation,” I’m going to guess it’s pretty traditional, without a lot of latitude about how to be our own men. Is that not right?
Good questions … When I was growing up we lived in a traditional household. Dad worked extremely hard hours as a machinist and a fireman at the plant. He was a jack of all trades and did all his own plumbing, carpentry etc. Mom stayed at home and managed the household which included 6 boys and 1 girl (sadly when I was small, became only 5 boys). There is a misconception about people like my dad, a misconception that they showed no emotions. Men back then didn’t show these emotions on their sleeves, they were more discerning as to when,… Read more »
I’ve been feeling decidedly under-appreciated lately so this was definite boost to the self-esteem. Thank you.
glad i can help!
Women don’t want good men anymore. Your quote, “[a]s women we love you. We need you. You have been our protectors, our foundation, our calm” is not true. Men are consistently reminded that we are expendable, replaceable, and only kept around when useful or have something to be taken. Even your examples are ‘do this for me because I don’t want to do it.” Anyone that is actually “a good man” should be spared the roughly 70 year torture that Western society has become. Only men in the 8+ physical attractiveness realm should remain and the rest of us should… Read more »
Unfortunately, the wrong messages are constantly being sent to both men and women everyday that breads complete unhappiness. We are both in this together. So you must start with being happy yourself, becoming an example and you will find what you’re looking for. This article was meant to show you these people exist – she’s out there!
Americans are proudly unhappy. Masochism approaches a fundamentalist religion. It tells us we are strong, loyal, martyred, hard, lacking in privilege. All we really ask is that others be brought down to our level, or hopefully lower – a form of social sadomasochism.
Dimitria
Thank you !
Great article.
Thanks for the comment!
With the remnants of this nasty election still lingering and third wave Feminism taking hold with odd demonstrations around the country, I can’t help but feel men are getting a bad rap on somewhat a daily basis Your are correct. It’s becoming a bit of an epidemic and it needs to stop. I fear the message we are sending to our men in America. Oh no rest assured it is an epidemic and has been for quite time. One that seems to only be getting louder, is the constant rhetoric of men being privileged and sexist and they just can’t… Read more »
Thanks for the reply! Much appreciated.
Wow what a refreshing article!