You love having options. You think dating apps like Tinder make dating easier for yourself. Dates are expensive — vet the guy via conversations. Why stand in a room crowded with bodies when you can view hundreds of singles on your couch?
You thought this concept was dreamy. Yet, it burns you out. You dread going on another date. It’s natural for you to roll your eyes at “I found love via a dating app” stories.
Oh, these days. You would not even recommend dating apps to friends. Nope. You would say the world is open. Please, meet someone the old-fashioned way, but be careful of monkey pox.
You want to save your friend from the burnout you feel.
Before you entertain another thought of being too picky, let me say; that you are not. You are one of millions of people frustrated by dating apps. No, you aren’t on the wrong one either. Over 8,000 dating sites exist. I am pretty sure each has gotten deleted by a past frustrated member.
So, you aren’t the only one. And you deserve a break from dating apps. Here is why the app burnt you out.
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Sensory overload
Have you ever watched baby weaning videos? The food is bland. Yet, the young child has a pronounced reaction to eating the item for the first couple of times.
If you keep forcing them to try it, they throw the food at you. Or the child clamps down on their lips hard. It’s the same with your brain and dating apps, you get sensory overload.
One download presents you with thousands of options.
Your brain has to decide:
- Does this guy or woman look attractive?
- Am I biased by choosing someone by how they look?
- How does the person describe themselves in their bio?
- Am I fine with dating someone like this?
- What should I say when I first message someone?
You do this with several potential dates within a few minutes. It gets tiring fast. You are making many decisions in seconds. The mental work increases if you are someone who second-guesses yourself.
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You don’t get breaks.
Let’s be honest. You don’t message one person on the app. You have conversations with several people. It’s boring having similar chats with lots of people.
Imagine how annoying it gets when a 10th person asks you:
- Where do you live?
- What are you doing right now?
- Do you have siblings?
You get bored repeating yourself.
That isn’t even the saddest part. Your energy for these talks is low, yet the other person is full of excitement to chat with you. The energy mismatch makes the experience more unsettling.
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It’s not the same level of intimacy.
You share all this personal information. But you don’t know if the person is catfishing you.
Sharing your life story via messages isn’t the same as a coffee date. You don’t get a sure portrayal of the person. Anyone can pretend over text; because you don’t see their face or emotional reaction to a question.
Thus, the person feels like they know you. And the first date bears of hook-up culture weight. Then, when you have sex with the person, they ghost you. So, after a few weeks of heavy intimacy with someone, you start dating all over again. The process leaves you feeling burned out.
Thank you for reading.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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