As an online dating photographer in San Francisco, I encounter people from all walks of life that need help with their photos. Taking photos is something that can be frustrating and daunting and that’s where I come in however, unlike other photographers I will not photoshop images to materially alter your appearance. My aim is to present clients in a flattering and yet realistic light.
When it comes to online dating, you need to exert effort to tell your story to attract others. Your online profile and bio should reflect your essence (wit, charm, quirks, and creativeness). Outsourcing your bio to a ghostwriter or hiring someone to write and read your messages to matches is not only lazy but ineffective. The true essence of people is revealed through careful thought, unique perspective and ability to be vulnerable. That is impossible to convey if you outsource that work to someone else.
While I do help individuals with frameworks for Bumble bios, this is done after numerous email exchanges and an insightful 1 on 1 photo shoot where I get a chance to pick people’s brains, ask them private, embarrassing and profound questions to get a sense of who they are and what they are about. This is something I could not do with a 1 on 1 interaction and definitely could not do over email, phone or video-chat. The real-life scenarios during a photo-shoot allow me to gain a glimpse of someone’s manners, etiquette, quirks, observations, and character. In the world of online dating, you need to focus on your biggest selling point — you.
If you hire someone to control your online dating, the first thing that comes to mind is an inability to assess profiles and/or lack of time to meet people. If you lack time to set up a profile, read over bios and exchange messages, you are not going to have the time to date. Furthermore, you are depriving yourself the opportunity to go through the ups and downs and all the emotions and surprises of dating.
Dating (offline or online) is about the journey as well as the destination. The same skills needed to engage in conversation, assess character and exert effort do not stop once you match, they are needed once you are dating, once you get into an argument once you have difficult decisions to make etc. There is no shortcut when it comes to your personal life. If you are not willing to put in the time and effort to meet someone, you are definitely not ready to date that person. A popular complaint I have heard from people is that online dating takes too much time and I agree it can seem tedious and overwhelming. However, once a profile is set up, you should not spend more than 30 minutes a day and no more than 2 hours a week browsing, swiping and messaging. Anything more than that and you need to learn to be more discerning and efficient.
There is nothing wrong with seeking help or getting feedback but outsourcing all aspects of your online dating to save time and effort will be more costly down to you in the long-term. Ability to write, assess people, communicate effectively, flirt and take chances are essential skills you cannot afford to overlook.
This post was originally published on the author’s website and republished here with permission from the author.
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