There is a lot of blaming and finger pointing that goes around our culture. It is probably most evident during that transition from everyone is single to everyone is married. Somehow as the last single person you receive the brunt of unsolicited advice about your dating life as if getting married made your friends experts in relationships. You don’t tell them that you secretly wonder how long it will be before they are divorced. All of this negative energy is not good for your personal journey.
All these unspoken judgments between our friends and people in our lives is simply a manifestation of our own journey. Some of us are meant to marry at a young age and have a mid-life crisis. Others of us, myself included, are meant to have wonderful relationships but not get married until later in life. Some of us are not meant to get married and others of us are meant to get married three or four times. The judgment we pass on each other is not only harmful but a complete waste of time.
What Does Energy Have to Do With It?
We are actually more alike than we would ever care to think we are. Singles and couples are really human beings trying to find an energetic match in our vast universe. Some of us do the personal growth work and are rewarded with a life partner who is our soulmate while others of us must learn valuable life lessons through the failures of our relationships.
As a relationship expert and a single, happily dating woman, I have come to realize that the energy that we put out in the Universe is more important that any dating skill set that could be learned from a book or a coach. So many of us have had so much trauma that our energetic frequency is a lot lower than we care to realize. It is the reason why we attract narcissists, people with substance abuse problems or other issues. When we mistakenly think we have done our work but do not like who has been showing up in our lives, it is a sign that more work needs to be done. Margaret Paul reports some of her clients, “…got together wanting to get love, rather than knowing how to love themselves and share their love.”
I often hear complaints from both my male and female clients that the “good ones” are already married, that women do not like nice guys, that men don’t act like men, and that all women just want to marry for money. When I was younger, I also thought some of these things during my times of frustration. Now that I have taken time to learn more about myself, become happy with who I am and have an awesome self-care routine to take care of my own energy, I realize that the people who show up in my life now are happier and way healthier than some of the people in my past. I have also realized that letting go of what I think it is that I want, need or deserve has created space for wonderful new experiences.
But most of all, the final part of your healing journey is to find ways to GIVE love. Love is not meant to “fix” you without you committing to it.
Quick Fixes Don’t Always Solve the Energy Issue
We live in a quick fix culture where people just want to fix an issue and move on. Unfortunately, cultivating a healthy sense of well-being and magnetic energy requires healing over a long period of time. It may require stepping out of your normal routine, your typical comfort zone and taking a hard look at your life and deciding if you are on the right track or not. Clients often get angry with me when I suggest that they are either highly exploratory or creative and are squashing their potential by trying to live up to the expectations of New York. It may take a year but most of these clients come back to share their personal journeys.
One such client did that 18 months after her initial consultation. She is by far one of the most exploratory personalities I have had in my office but was stuck on grieving the loss of a “perfect” relationship with a man with a traditional job who made a ton of money. In her grief she was unable to see the blessing in disguise. She came back to share that since she has traveled and moved to Alaska, she is finally enjoying her life again and dating people that make her happy but look like a mess on paper. Our work has turned to helping her cultivate gratitude for the people who will now be showing up to teach her something new and help her heal. She has never looked more healthy and happy than during this check in when she reported she was dating a creative soul.
Why Self-Care Matters
Getting on YOUR right path is the key to a happy and healthy life. Choosing the RIGHT partner, not the one you think is right, will make the difference in your well-being and your future financial success. We think that finding the love of our life should be easy but, in reality, it’s the most important decision we will ever make. Shouldn’t you put forth more time and effort into getting that decision right by taking care of yourself and making sure you are attracting only people who will help you rise? Doesn’t it sound less stressful to simply walk the streets feeling phenomenal and allow the right person to appear?
I encourage you to take time now to think about your own well-being and self care. I encourage you to think less with you mind and to use your mind-body connection to guide your decision making. I encourage you to think about what does your BEST life look like and what makes your heart sing. Knowing these answers and taking small steps to implement change can change your entire energy and bring in so many new opportunities. It will also give you the strength to know that once you are on your right path, you will have added valuable tools to your toolkit to help tackle whatever life throws at you.
This post was previously published on Medium and is republished here with permission from the author.
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