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There are many good men in the world today. Some in relationships, marriages and some single, who are genuinely nice guys. They are trying to do the right thing, not rock the boat, and live a ‘good’ life. Trouble is, being a ‘nice’ guy, doesn’t change the world, doesn’t get you passionate about much, and leaves you, well, a little limp.
Being a man of courage and tenacity gets bred out of us from an early age, with all good intentions, mostly from our parents, teachers, and society. Be a ‘good’ boy, be ‘nice’ to your brother, smile for the camera, don’t hurt anyone, follow the rules, don’t rock the boat, don’t show anger or aggression. Get a good job, meet a nice girl, work, save some money, buy a house, settle down and live a good life. That’s the mainstream message right. At least it was for me.
If that’s you, then go for it. I’m just rattling the cage to say that for many of us, we’ve put our balls in a jar on a shelf and have been living like shadows of our former selves for far too long, maybe even for all of our lives. We’re like caged lions, angry, frustrated, powerless.
As a result of our own conditioning, what so many of us learn from an early age is to be soft, kind, agreeable men. We have a saying in Australia that says “grow a pair”. It means, have some courage, have some tenacity, don’t give up so easily. In fact, men who do have a pair, and know how to use them, are a dying breed.
Isn’t it time to ditch the lame excuses and get back in the game. Isn’t it time we got back to being proud of being men. To borrow something from last week’s article, isn’t it time to find our mojo and start being men who know how to be men.
I’m not talking about ‘power over’ or taking what I want, when I want, from whom I want. You can be a man of any stature. It’s not about personality, image, age or sexual preference, though yes, I do write from the perspective of a heterosexual male.
In contrast, I’m talking about living the real, raw, honest, vulnerable, powerful life of a man. Because “real” is the most attractive trait any man can have. Living by that code will make you worthy of a life you can be proud of.
You CAN be kind, considerate and compassionate, whilst also being strong, grounded and confident. That’s the type of man your partner loves and adores, in bed and at their side. That’s the type of man your kids will look up to, the type of man others will follow, and a man the world needs more of.
Men’s coach Tripp Lanier, talks about living with “balls, brains, and heart”. To me, that means living with courage, smarts, and passion. Wayne Levine talks about N.U.T.S. Your non-negotiable, unalterable terms. What are the things that define you as a man?
When was the last time you truly made a gutsy decision? When was the last time you truly had the balls to do something you really wanted to do, or spoke up for something you believed in. When was the last time you dug deep and transformed some part of you that needed it. When was the last time you took a risk, and put your reputation on the line to become a better man?
When a man gets hit in the balls, it hurts. It hurts like hell, like you wouldn’t believe, right?! You know exactly what I mean. It cripples him. It aches, it literally takes you down for the count. Why is that? Because if you’re a man, your balls are where your courage comes from.
Your balls produce the testosterone that drives you forward and builds you up. They are the source of your sexuality. They are what you use to stake your place in this world. Your balls give you your edge. Your balls, to put it crudely, are what makes you hard. Without courage, you ache, from the inside out. And without those two little helpers, you are impotent.
Think with your head. the most powerful sexual organ you have is the thing between your ears.Your sex drive for example, actually comes from the hypothalamus in your brain, which is also responsible for the production of testosterone in your testes.
Your brain is also where you think up ideas, imagine things, get innovative, and work shit out. There’s nothing wrong with using your head. It’s only when you get stuck there, that you get blocked.
Don’t be mindless; use your head when you have to: define your values, tap into your own wisdom, ask questions, get guidance. Make good decisions.
Stop here, get out a piece of paper and a pen, and write your answers to these questions:
- What do you stand for?
- What do you believe in?
- What will you not compromise on?
- How do you want to be remembered?
That’s the brain’s stuff.
Tap your inner beast. It’s not until the head stuff drops down into your heart, that it really means anything, that it really transforms you. How deep can you dig? When a man digs deep, he taps into his inner beast. You’ll find that creature in your heart. This is what makes you fight for survival, and compete to be the best. This is where your inner lion resides. Don’t be afraid of him. Use him.
Ask yourself more questions:
- What moves me?
- When do I feel most connected?
- What am I passionate about?
- What do I fight for?
- What would I put my life and reputation on the line for?
These are the types of questions we need to sit in as men, to start becoming the men our partner, kids, friends, families, colleagues, and the rest of the world needs.
Living with heart means not being an impatient, moody ass when you get home from work. It means not kicking the dog when you’re tired. It means having a dream, going after a vision, living a life of pure, raw honesty. It means ‘not giving a fuck’ about what other people think about you, but giving enough of one about yourself, that every day you wake up, you take action to live with courage, smarts, and passion.
Awareness is curative. As Zan Perrion has said, “awareness is curative”. When you start to become aware of this stuff, you start to ask different questions of yourself, and take a different action. Which brings me back to the title of this article. Why you’re not getting any.
It ain’t rocket science. It’s not even about sex. It’s about what you attract, create, value, and take action on. Stop playing small. Stop hiding out. Stop withdrawing. Stop avoiding. Start living from your balls, brains, and heart. Wake the sleeping giant, and start experiencing the kind of life you were put here on this earth to live.
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