Why You’re Not “Hard to Love”

There are two types of people in the dating scene: those who fall in love slowly and those who fall in love fast. People who fall in love quickly tend to love bomb their partners — or at the very least, appear to do that. People who fall in love slowly, on the other hand, are a little more difficult. If you’ve dated one, you probably didn’t know where you stand with them.

You’ve probably spent hours wondering when they will call, whether they’ll ask you out again, and more. It’s rough, but the payoff is that they’re more likely to stick around. You can usually figure out who’s the type to fall for you slowly before you date. These personality traits suggest they’ll want to take things slow.

People who fall in love slowly usually share these 4 deep personality traits

1. They are planners who know what they do and do not want in their future

People who fall in love slowly don’t fall with their hearts. Rather, they fall in love through their minds. They tend to look at the real nuts and bolts of compatibility, know what they want, and ask what you offer before they go all in on the relationship.

They already have a plan for their lives. They ask how well you’d fit in. They vet their date, much like one would vet a potential investment. After all, it is an investment. You’re investing a lot of time, trust, and faith in anyone you’re dating.

People who have an idea of who they want to date tend to take things more slowly. If this sounds like how most women approach dating, you’re correct. Studies have found that men fall in love twice as fast as women.

2. In many cases, falling slowly is a matter of healing from trauma

Do you remember the old adage, “Once hurt, twice shy?” Well, it’s very true when it comes to matters of love. Most people who experience relationship trauma tend to feel safer in fast-paced relationships, despite a slow burn being a healthier choice.

People who are healing from trauma who have a lot of self-awareness will often take things slow despite feeling the urge to go fast. This is because they both want to give themselves time to heal and to fully sniff out a potential partner before investing in them.

There’s a reason why people tend to advise recently single individuals to take it slow. It’s often healthier and gives you a more sustainable future.

3. Many people who fall in love slowly prefer to be single

One thing I can say about people who fall in love slowly is that they tend to have a healthier outlook than those who fall fast and hard. Part of the reason is that they often prefer being single and don’t view a relationship as a must-have.

People who prefer being single are very leery of relationships for a number of reasons. However, the biggest reason they tend to fall in love slowly is that they want to make sure that the person in question adds to their life. In other words, they want to make sure that person is an upgrade over being single, and they’re perfectly happy being single.

4. They tend to be selective about their friendships

Perhaps it’s just my own observation, but people who fall in love slowly are generally picky when it comes to all of their relationships. This includes platonic relationships, like friendships, as well as their business contacts.

Studies show that friendships and romantic relationships are chosen by similar traits. I’ve personally noticed that people who are choosy with their friends are more likely to be super selective about their romantic options, too. With choosiness comes a slower courting process — and that goes for both love and friendships.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.