Question: My wife puts everything else before me. I pick fights just so she knows I still exist. We are both frustrated but we love each other and want this to work. I need to show her that I am just as much of a priority as everything else in her life!
Answer: i’m so sorry that your wife puts everything else before you, that must make you feel very unimportant and unappreciated. I understand that you want to get her attention yet picking fights just to know that you exist can’t feel very empowered nor get you the results you desire, yes?
What’s causing this frustration for her about you… I’m clear that you don’t feel like you’re a priority. What’s the root of this, where did this I’ll begin? What’s the elephant in the living room? What’s the communication that’s not being made? What’s the unspoken truth?
When we spinning our head in anger and fear, we disconnect ourselves from our brains and intelligence, our intuition, our awareness. When we judge another or judge ourselves we also block our knowing. So it’s possible you have no clue what changed your wife’s behavior from making you a priority to no longer making you a priority…
Yet I bet if you calm down and soothe yourself and went for a walk in nature, and asked the question, what is it that’s causing this conflict? What is it that I’ve never considered before that’s causing this conflict? I bet you’d hear an answer.
Or you could just ask her!
And if she doesn’t know why you are no longer a priority to her and I really think you require somebody like me in couples counseling to help you guys discover what happened so we can either turn it around and build a more solid foundation of communication honor and respect moving forward, or in this frustration and conflict and said each other free.
Sometimes relationships are for a season and not forever, and that doesn’t mean you failed or did something wrong, sometimes her secret contract is simply complete. However we don’t have the courage to admit that to ourselves or our partners and so instead we destroy relationships to give ourselves an excuse to exit. It’s unfortunate because that’s how we hurt each other and ourselves.
My wholehearted recommendation, given that you asked me this question and thus are most likely on my email list and have spent time to recognize you respect my point of view and the results I create for clients. I recommend you apply for a complementary strategy session at www.allanapratt.com/connect and the three of us get on the telephone or Skype together so that I can see if you’re a fit to invite you to work with me through a series of six sessions, some will be couples and some will be private, because it’s rarely the other person’s fault, it always takes two to tango 🙂
Thank you for reaching out and it would be my privilege and honor to help turn things around for you as soon as possible, all my love XO XO Allana