Who would date a man like me? I’m just an ordinary man and I not sure women date ordinary men anymore. I mean I’m tall, 6’6″, so maybe not quite so ordinary, I sort of stand out, a lot. Would a woman date a man who stands out? I don’t know. I’m strong, not the bench press 200kg sort of strong, but the “I’ll just pick up this china cabinet and move it” sort of strong. OK, so I’m not your average ordinary. So should a woman date someone who is strong? I really have no idea. I’m smart; the sort of smart that’s a curse, the sort of smart that thinks learning astrophysics is cool. I know French, Astronomy, how to dance, and lots of other things, what can I say, I like to learn. Alright, alright, I’m sort of a freaky sort of ordinary so why in the world would a woman want to date a man like me?
I hear women want passion but I can’t do that, I’m not a bonfire blinding bright but turning to ash in the morning. I’m just an ordinary man; I’m more like a fireplace on a cold winter’s night. I don’t burn hot and I don’t burn bright, I need to be let inside first, I need to have a corner in someone’s heart before I light up. I sometimes wonder what women want, they seem to want the fireworks yet end up so distraught once they let them inside. Don’t women know fireworks are only for the outside? Would a woman really want an ordinary man who keeps them warm the winter through? I must admit it sounds sort of boring, being rugged up with a glass of wine and a good conversation in front of a fireplace, it’s probably not everyone’s cup of tea.
Someone once told me women want independence, a guy capable of making decisions. That a guy who needs help, needs reassurance, or emotional support is a turn off. This l find strange. If I never need those things then why would I want a relationship? I’m an ordinary man, not some tin man searching for a wizard to give him a heart. I have a heart already and sometimes it hurts, it bleeds and it needs to know it’s loved. It searches for a partner, someone to make decisions with not for, so if that’s not what women want then I’m really not interested. So why would a woman date a man like me, an ordinary man, a man who wants to be one in a couple, not just two independent souls.
I’ll admit that sometimes I am not quite so ordinary, I have that freak part of me that can’t help but shine through. I’m a man of many things. In olden times I’d be labeled a polymath or renaissance man and left to do my thing. I don’t fit in normal society, I don’t belong in a niche and one label isn’t big enough for me. I can’t find a social hierarchy to which I belong because I belong to too many things. Do I act like a writer cloistered and slightly off balance? Am I that IT guy, nerdy and socially inept? Am I a student, poor yet with grandiose dreams of the future? Am I a dancer nimble and lithe, or a father with the quirky dad jokes? Do I act like my friends the CEO’s and directors, or my other friends in retail and catering? So I wonder this too, why would a woman date a man like me, a man who stands outside social hierarchies because none are quite right.
Are women after perfect men, those with perfect pasts? Sometimes it seems if they are. Too tall and too short, too hairy and too bald, too many exes and not enough experience. To each their own choices yet I have a past. I’m 41 with two children, of course there are stories of my past. Some are good and some were fun and some were not. I’m an ordinary man, I make ordinary mistakes. I chose the wrong girls, did the wrong things. I’m not ashamed of my past; I did the best I knew how. Wisdom wasn’t something I learnt until I made enough mistakes to learn it. Would a woman date a man like me, an ordinary man with an ordinary screwed up past? I know the women I have dated have sat in judgment as my past was told, but I know something they know not. If I accept the person you are now then I accept the road you traveled to get here. I’m wise like that you see, I made lots of mistakes to become this wise.
I don’t know anymore, why would a woman date a man like me? I’ve mostly given up now, whatever women want it doesn’t seem to be me. Yet I’m not into pretending, not into games, if you ask me a question I’ll answer it as honestly as I can. I fought long and hard to find the person who is me so I don’t plan on giving him up. He might be weird and quirky or ordinary and fine but he’s all that I am, he’s me. I’ve accepted my past and made my own niche and I know what I want out of life and love. I still look occasionally to see if there may be someone out there, yet the things I search for don’t seem to be the things that others do. Why would a woman date a man like me? I don’t know, truly. It’s really up to them to decide if the man they see is worth dating. I’m not going to convince them, sell myself big, I’m not even going to try. I’m not interested in overcoming preconceived ideas or generalizations; I have my own to work through. I am who I am, just an ordinary guy.
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*A minstrel was a medieval European bard who performed songs whose lyrics told stories of distant places or of existing or imaginary historical events. Although minstrels created their own tales, often they would memorize and embellish the works of others. The Modern Minstrel observes the world around him and shares it with us as lyrical story. This series was inspired by Luke Davis, whose eye for story and ear for lyrical prose are featured here.
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