Before 2022, ghosting was one of the worst things you could do to someone.
But the pandemic built up women (and men)’s immunity to the behavior. The men that women choose to date also have options. And they often exercise their right to see many people.
The practice is more common on dating apps. Eligible partners are within a swipe-reach of the interested guy. He matches with multiple women and gives each a shot at being his partner.
Meanwhile, the women want to settle down.
She gives each partner a few chances to see where things go before moving on. At least, that is how this woman (Roisin) approaches dating. Women think differently about relationships than men. You notice the oddities more when both genders talk about their goals after a birthday.
And the change has made women prefer ghosting. It seems odd, but the reason is understandable.
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Absurd Protection Excuse
Society assigns the role of protection to men. But in 2022, there are few opportunities to act on this sometimes self-assigned responsibility. So, some men created “protection excuses” as a cover for lying.
Roisin said a ghost date had revisited her inbox.
“They went on a date together. Both agreed it was a shared pleasant experience. Roisin had to go on holiday with her family. Throughout her time on vacation, the duo conversed via messages. A week into her holiday, no more replies. This pause was longer than the last, and she got the subliminal note — he ghosted her.” — Roisin.
Ghosting means you suddenly end contact with someone.
No warning, nothing.
But then the man broke his silence a week later. Roisin wishes he had stayed silent. His response was more off-putting than the unexpected departure.
“He ‘did not know how’ to communicate with her because ‘he had devastating news to break.’ She had to coax the update out of him. When she left for her holiday, he met someone else and they hit it off. He would rather see the new woman instead.” — Roisin.
Do men think women are so fragile?
Why would you protect someone by withholding information? Then, when they likely move on, you dump the news on them.
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Stay Ghosting
She would prefer if the man continued to ghost her. Roisin turned 30 a month before the incident.
The abrupt end did not keep her up at night.
At first, she laughed. But then, it irritated her. Roisin spent the exchange comforting him — to get the information out and letting him know she would be fine. It felt unfair to her.
Many women now have these talks with ghosts.
They think it unfortunate to fake discomfort over the situation and not be honest. This feeling is true, especially if you were only on one date.
In a different forum, a woman said (it felt like) the man wanted her to forgive him. He hoped to clear his conscience of his past actions. She preferred if he stayed a ghost and dealt with his guilt another way.
“In a series of studies, Freedman et al. (2019) found in a first sample of 554 US adults that 25.3% reported they had been ghosted and 21.3% had ghosted a dating partner. In a second sample of 747 participants, 23% informed that they had been ghosted and 18.9% reported having ghosted a dating partner”. — Ghosting and breadcrumbing research
In 2022, the possibility of ghosting is much higher at around 70%.
The high prevalence has neutralized many people’s feelings about the issue. And they have grown used the experience.
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What is the best approach?
It is best to tell someone you aren’t feeling the relationship. It is not just closure for your date but also a symbolic ending for you.
If you decide to ghost, stay ghosting.
What if it bothers your conscience after you think about your action? Consider your reply before you contact the person. Be honest about your reason for going silent and your excuse for reappearing in her inbox. You exercised your right to ghost her. The woman can choose not to forgive or accept your apology.
She also does not have to downplay what you did and make you feel better about your past actions. Roisin was being extra nice, despite her apprehension.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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You may also like these posts on The Good Men Project:
White Fragility: Talking to White People About Racism | Escape the “Act Like a Man” Box | The Lack of Gentle Platonic Touch in Men’s Lives is a Killer | What We Talk About When We Talk About Men |
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Photo credit: Yana Hurskaya on Unsplash