When I sent the text three days before our second date, I just asked him how his day was. It was the first time he didn’t respond. And not only did he not respond, but he also didn’t respond until two days later when I asked if we were still going to dinner that night.
“Jeez I’m sorry I didn’t see that message the other day!!” (Did I buy that?)
I didn’t really buy that. And I also didn’t buy that he needed 4 hours to confirm a time for dinner. But I went along with it. After a 5 hour date and a makeout session in the car, I figured maybe he was just getting comfortable. Or maybe he was busy.
So the days went by. I initiated texts and, eventually, the responses would stop. He spent all day on Instagram, but never got back to me. He said he wanted to see me again.
He never did.
Let’s be honest.
Everyone sees a text.
Especially when they like you. They’ll get back to you. And they’ll be consistent. If they’re under 35, they’re probably on their phone at least 3 hours a day. And not all at once.
One thing that I’ve learned recently is how meaningless words are. An old flame of mine told me once that we’d be together “1–3 months from now”.
Two weeks later, he forgot he’d ever said it.
What I think it stems from, honestly, is uncertainty.
Ghosting. That’s a clear message.
I’d rather get ghosted. Then I get the message immediately and strongly. It’s rude but firm. I’ve been cut off and there’s no choice but to move on.
The hot and cold behavior, though — that’s the worst. Because I’m sitting there, hanging onto every word of a person who just isn’t sure what they want.
I do not believe in words anymore.
Instead, I believe in actions. I believe in patterns. I believe in effort.
If I’m doing 2am google searches of “WHY DOES THE GUY IM DATING NOT RESPOND?!” then something just ain’t right. And instead of allowing myself to get caught in the nuances of his words — to fixate on the little drops of communication we have— I’m throwing the entire thing out.
Because if you can’t communicate, you’re not for me. If you don’t respond to my text for two days, you’re probably not that interested. And if you aren’t sure if you’re into me, I’ll make it super clear for you when I walk away completely.
A version of this post was previously published on Psiloveyou and is republished here with permission from author.
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