You Deserve an Easy Kind of Love

Finding that mental space between loving someone just enough for it to hurt…but not enough to put you in the fetal position if you break up.

Comfortably numb love

Somewhere between neurotic, soul-crushing, obsessive love, and “You’re just a piece of meat,” lies an overlapping intersection illustrated in the above Venn Diagram, where the perfect relationship resides — a partnership with just enough spark to make you feel young again but not enough to derail your mind from enjoying it — an “easy love.”

Photo by Sharon McCutcheon on Unsplash

You deserve someone who makes you feel alive. Someone who enjoys doing what you do. Nothing too manic — not too cold, not too hot, the Goldilocks of love, a seamless companionship so comfortable it pierces the bonds of normalcy and mundaneness. A rare eclipse of the heart and mind.

There is a sweet spot

Love is a little like an allergy.

Some people are very sensitive to it and it overwhelms their senses and ability to function. Others don’t ever seem to let love penetrate their emotions and psyches very deeply — their relationships tend to feel empty and rote — boring.

A paradise of passion does exist though, where all the important thresholds of love are crossed — attraction, compatibility, and good sex — but not exceeded. A land where romance resides but doesn’t reproduce itself too quickly. A love that avoids flying too close to the sun — yet still occasionally soars like an eagle.

Fidelity is a fleeting particle

You either fall in love with the person you’re having sex with, have sex with the person you’re falling in love with, or never fall in love at all.

It’s during the chaotic, punch-drunk, “I can’t believe this is happening”, stage of early passion where we either lose our minds or remain aware enough to remove our emotions from our sex drives.

For some, sex is the aphrodisiac that propels them into mania — and that’s intentional. They thrive on adrenaline. They’re addicted to the rush of excitement, unpredictability, and danger that only comes from seeking fresh blood.

Some are majorly triggered when another human being agrees to let them have sexual intercourse with them. They fall in love so deeply it becomes the beginning of an obsessive-compulsive entanglement that would make Romeo and Juliet blush — they don’t seek fresh blood….they seek your blood like Audrey II from Little Shop of Horrors.

Others never drink the love potion or get pierced with Cupid’s arrow. They simply have sex with those with whom they find physically appealing…and that’s the end of it — no lingering feelings, no mind games, and no crawling into the fetal position and praying for the return of someone who’s never coming back.

It’s time to let the craziness go

Yes. We will forever dream of becoming that mystical, Harlequin-cover hunk, riding a thoroughbred as his long, luscious, hair intertwines with the horse’s golden mane as he scoops up his fair maiden — carrying her off to a land of castles and wonder.

No. We’re not Fabian, Michael Bolton, or any other long-haired god. We’re average humans who don’t want to go on cruises or to the movies, or out to dinner, or shopping, or walking or talking or living….all by ourselves — we want a partner in life.

Yet we know we can’t live a comfortable life constantly checking our lover’s social media and email accounts thinking we can control someone else’s behavior. We can’t…and we know it.

If someone’s going to cheat there’s not a damn thing we can do about it.

Finding that mental space between loving someone just enough for it to hurt…but not enough to put you in the fetal position if you break up, IS THE ANSWER.

Summary

I can sum up this article’s main point by quoting a famous expression popularized in a decades-old McDonald’s commercial, “You deserve a break today.”

Yes. You do. You deserve someone who makes you feel young and alive and attractive and special. Someone who you look forward to being around. Someone who makes your life more meaningful and reflective, and grounded.

Don’t be like Icarus — don’t fly too low or too high — because love, like any supernaturally powerful force, will burn you alive.

And don’t you dare settle for someone who doesn’t make your heart flutter, swell, and occasionally skip a beat from excitement.

Find your glove. Find your cozy blanket. Find your snuggle buddy. Find that person who makes you feel good — who makes you feel alive and valuable.

Because true love resides where most wonderful and beautiful things do…in that rarified space we all crave so mercilessly — that space between obsession and surrender, a place in between insanity and boredom…a land where you care just enough to love someone but not so much it destroys your peace of mind and ability to experience what we all deserve — an easy love.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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