You Deserve More in Your Relationship Than You Think

So, you have been dating your significant other for a decent number of years now. Candlelit dinner, checked. Travel overseas together, been there, done that. Kissing in public to make all the singles around you uncomfortable, hell yeah! Had sex, well — I do not want to know.

After all of that, you may wonder whether or not you are settling in a relationship. If you begin to ask yourself that question, chances are, you most probably are. Though the definition of “settling” varies for everyone (and every couple), if you are beginning to sense that your significant other is not measuring up and you still stick by them, then from my viewpoint, that is a good enough definition of “settling”.

This experience does not discriminate between male and female. Questions such as “What if there is something better that I am not aware of?” or “Am I omitting something better in the course of this relationship?” have haunted all relationships (even those that look unbreakable). The factor that differentiates between a relationship that grows stronger with time and one that is heading towards a gloomy end is if you can locate the wrinkles and iron them out with your partner.

Continue reading for the warning flags that you are not receiving what you deserve from your significant other and see if both of you can address the points together.

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1. Your Relationship No Longer Puts a Smile on Your Face

The most apparent sign of how smoothly your relationship is progressing is your happiness (and your partner’s as well). It is comprehensible that you would not be always smiling, but if you frequently feel down and resort to ways beyond your relationship to regain that sense of love and warmth, then that is a cause for concern. If you are not happy, your partner will most likely notice it.

Find out the source of your sadness. Have you both been exchanging heated messages? Are you in a long-distance relationship and it is starting to add weight onto you, your significant other or both? Addressing the reason why you are unhappy may reveal the solutions you should consider next. Whether that means making communication more transparent or taking a break, you should discuss this with your partner and make the ultimate decision together if possible.

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2. Your Partner Is Not Willing to Devote Her Efforts to the Relationship

Your significant other does not need to have to go through the meticulous process of finding out what she has to do for the rest of her life. Let’s face it; no one has figured out everything he or she needs in life. However, if he or she has yet to make that next big move in your relationship (securing a new job, proposing, etc.) and your patience is beginning to run out, you will need to see to that matter.

At times, a small nudge is more than adequate to put them in a driven state to raise their game. Yet, if the talk turns into a heated discussion or nothing evolves in the next couple of months, it is time to reevaluate the relationship. You two may not be sharing the same path in life.

It is perfectly all right to call it quits if your significant other refuses or fails to catch up.

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3. Your Relationship With Your Partner Turns Abusive, Both Physically and Mentally

The kind of relationship is the most difficult to get rid of. At some point in our lives, we knew someone who had been in one, and as a stranger looking in, it does not take much to judge and say, “Well, just let it go.” However, it is easier said than done.

You know the relationship is turning sour when your partner treats you with hostility and threatens you (and your friends) frequently. In these scenarios, until you disconnect yourself from all contact with that person, the gruesome cycle will remain stuck in your life.

No one is cool enough to look down on others. No one deserves to be treated with disrespect. Hence, attempt to seek counselling (if you are too afraid to leave) or reach to those you trust for advice. A smooth break from this form of relationship is the best chance you have for feeling like yourself again.

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4. Your Lost a Piece of Your Identity for Your Partner

There are a couple of tradeoffs you have to make whenever you are in a relationship, but it is totally not all right to completely lose a part of yourself for another person, whether that means forgoing your hobbies, friends, family, religion or other components of your life that defines who you are.

The point is not to feel like you are coerced into throwing away a part of your identity for your significant other. The person you are with should respect and accept your shortcomings, even if they are disgusted about it. In fact, if they do not, that shows a level of immaturity you should be aware of. If at any point you are beginning to lose yourself, do not wait and immediately do what is necessary to regain your sense of self.

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Final Pearls of Wisdom

Traits like honesty, respect and loyalty are valuable and if I am going to be truthful, rare to come by nowadays. Hence, when you are looking for a person to spend the rest of your life with, make sure their principles and values in life are aligned with yours.

It is one commitment to verbalise their affection for one another but it takes a different level of commitment to maintain that romantic relationship. Being together means both parties agree to make sure that the relationship is not skewed heavily towards one of them (unless the party reaping the most benefits is okay with it).

Once you have ironed out the wrinkles in your relationship, the great thing about it is having someone to lean on when times get rough. Even better, that person would have endless patience dealing with your nonsense. So, treat your relationship as if it is an investment for your future.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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