You Know They’re Wrong for You… So Why Can’t You Let Them Go?

Here is a summary of the transcript from YouTube, slightly edited with AI.

How We Destroy Relationships Without Realizing It
with Matthew Hussey

There’s something that can happen in a relationship that’s very insidious.

And that is:
We get triggered.
We react.
We say something.
We get upset.
We get quiet.
We go cold.
We say something cutting.
We get passive aggressive.
We threaten to break up.
We roll our eyes.
We raise our voice.

And all of this can happen in an instant.

We don’t stop to think about it — it’s the impulse to act that takes over. We justify it in the moment by saying, “Well, you shouldn’t have done that,” or “You shouldn’t have said that,” or “You shouldn’t have made me feel that way.”

And when the moment has passed, we don’t go back and take stock. We don’t think, “Was I fair in that moment? Was that the version of myself I want to be? Was that the example I would want to set for my future children?”

The truth is, most people do not reflect on those moments at all.

We Assume We’re Always Right

We justify the behavior.
We blame.
We move on.
We wait until the next moment of affection.
We go into the next “honeymoon” period.

And in the process, we don’t notice that, bit by bit, we’re eroding the foundations of our relationship. Even if it survives, even if it doesn’t fall apart completely, we’re weakening it.

That may not show up for another two years, but eventually it will.

Stop and Reflect: Was I Proud of That Moment?

There’s a part of us that knows — when we reflect — that we weren’t our best. And we don’t want to carry that into the next relationship.

Sometimes people say, “Well, my ex was awful. It’s their fault we broke up.”
And sometimes that’s true.
But often it’s not the whole truth.

Often, we forget about the little moments where we played a part. Not because we’re bad, but because we’re unaware. We didn’t take the time to self-reflect. We just moved on.

Do You Apologize or Just Hope It Gets Better?

Some people never apologize. They don’t own their side of it. They hope love will just “carry them through.”

But love is not enough if our behavior keeps violating that love.

What would happen if, after a moment you’re not proud of, you said:

Hey, I just want to say that moment didn’t reflect who I want to be. I raised my voice, and I don’t want to be that person in this relationship. I care about you, and I want to do better.

That moment of humility can rebuild trust. That kind of ownership can deepen intimacy.

But it takes courage. It takes maturity. And most importantly — it takes awareness.