You are a SOCIAL animal. So why accept social mediocrity?
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We are a deeply social species, yet we often see our social life as something that happens to us—out of our control. But know this … you can choose how successful you’ll become by choosing the type of SOCIAL you are. You are in control. And taking control of your social excellence is maybe the most important thing you’ll ever do.
From the moment we are born, we instinctively seek human connection—to our parents, siblings, classmates, co-workers, partners, organizations. Our life is spent initiating and nurturing human connection. In our final days, we’ll look back and assess our time on Earth through our relationships. What’s crazy is, while most of our life is spent connecting, we rarely practice interacting or relating.
Why are so many willing to accept social mediocrity?
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You are a SOCIAL animal.
Over the past few years, research has shown that we are becoming painfully bad at socialization.
“We are increasingly denying our social nature, and paying a price for it.”
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One study found that 20% of all individuals are, at any given time, unhappy because of social isolation.
Americans have 33% fewer friends than they did 30 years ago. Almost one quarter of smart phone users report using their phone to avoid human contact.
A study of 60,000 business leaders found that less than 5 percent excel at both achieving important results and building social relationships (in other words, only a few people can get stuff done and be kind to others effectively). A study from 2006 showed that people aren’t connecting in their community, organizations, or in groups as much as they did just two decades before, “The percentage of people who confide only in family increased from 57% to 80%.”
An article in The Atlantic last year summed up this downward social spiral. In it, Emily Esfahani Smith, citing research, wrote, “We volunteer less. We entertain guests at our homes less. We are getting married less. We are having fewer children. And we have fewer and fewer close friends with whom we’d share the intimate details of our lives. We are increasingly denying our social nature, and paying a price for it. Over the same period of time that social isolation has increased, our levels of happiness have gone down, while rates of suicide and depression have multiplied.”
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Meanwhile, other researchers are discovering how utterly important social skills are for humans. For instance, researchers have found that people are happier when they are with other people than when they are alone.
… people with strong social connections have less stress-related health problems, lower risk of mental illness, and faster recovery from trauma or illness.
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Researchers also find that people with strong social connections have less stress-related health problems, lower risk of mental illness, and faster recovery from trauma or illness. To drive the point further, researchers who looked at nearly 150 different studies on social connections found that people with poor social connections had, on average, 50% higher odds of death in the study’s follow-up period (an average of 7.5 years) than people with more robust social ties.
Yikes.
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You are a SOCIAL animal.
By now it’s clear, becoming social improvement is outrageously important to your well-being, your health, your happiness, and your success. It’s time to abandon social mediocrity. It’s time for social excellence.
Here’s how we at The Social Excellence Project define “Social Excellence.”
Social Excellence [n]: A state of perpetual generosity, curiosity, positivity, and openness to limitless possibility. A desire to intentionally connect with others. The ability to engage in deep, meaningful conversation. Acting in a responsible and respectable manner with high expectations of others. Being authentic and living everyday with integrity as the best version of oneself. Being confident and vulnerable. Being fun and compassionate. Being open, kind, and bold. The highest level of societal participation and contribution.
If you chose Social Excellence as a goal each morning, how would that change your average day? How would it change this upcoming week? How would it change your level of health, happiness, and success? How would it change the extent to which you find fulfillment in life?
You are a SOCIAL animal.
Making the choice to be socially excellent would change everything.
You are in control.
Will you choose Social Excellence?
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Image credit: Metro Centric/flickr
If it’s so easy just to CHOOSE social excellence then why don’t people do it? The thing is, out society is set up in a way that makes it hard to have real intimacy with friends. I find that when I visit intentional communities where they play communication games, that’s when intimacy and real connection happen. It’s not so easy to open up to people when they’re not willing or they are afraid of vulnerability. This article doesn’t give any how-to advice, so thanks for pointing out what I think most of us are already aware of, but what are… Read more »
Leah, thank you for joining the conversation! Matt @ The Social Excellence Project will reply later today, but for now I wanted you to know that this article is the first in a series of regular contributions. The purpose of this one was to set the foundation for Social Excellence, provide a definition, and give an impetus for change. Future articles will delve into the broader “how” and give fodder for us to consider in those experiences where it is not an intentionally created community with facilitated connection activities. Again, thanks for reading! ~Scott Heydt Managing Editor- Guyhood The Good… Read more »
Writers like to use the statistic showing people dying younger when they’re alone. The figure is skewed because, I believe, many people who live alone oftentimes drink excessively to ward off their loneliness or indulge risky behavior which they otherwise wouldn’t engage in were they married and had children. If you live alone and have a healthy attitude while taking properly care of your body, the life expectancy should be same.
Thank you, David, for joining the conversation! Matt @ The Social Excellence Project will reply later today with his perspective. My interpretation, from reading Matt’s article and reading the article he references, is that it’s not about whether someone lives alone. Someone could live alone and still have robust social ties, which will support their choices toward a healthier attitude and proper care. Conversely, an individual can be married with children but his social connectivity (i.e. the quality of those relationships) could be poor and he could choose an unhealthy lifestyle that may lead to shortened life expectancy. In the… Read more »