James Michael Sama explains that if you have trouble choosing between two people, then neither of them is right for you.
Not long ago, I published an article by a man named Seth Adam Smith. The article is called ‘Real Love Is A Choice.’ I enjoyed the message and, obviously since I published it on this website, thought it was worth a share.
The author discusses how love is not just something that we fall into, nor is it something that we obtain or maintain easily. It takes work. It takes consistent choices. It takes effort, every single day.
Love and relationships are not easy things. Love may be a feeling, but it is also a verb. It is reflected in how we treat someone, how we act towards them, and how we view ourselves when we are with them. These things, we all choose. And we have to make the right choices, at least most of the time, if we want a relationship to work.
While this is all important to understand and to work on every day, I also believe that there are some things seemingly more controlled by our subconscious. Feelings we cannot quite explain nor do we choose. For example, what is your favorite color? What is your favorite genre of music? Why is that your favorite color or genre? Some, you just like more than others without having to think about it.
I had a very interesting conversation with a girl who is much more mature than I was at her age. She wanted my opinion on a theory that she has had for a long time now, and since I am older than her she wanted to know if I thought it would change as she got older, too.
The theory, both intelligent and concise, is as follows:
If you have trouble choosing between two people, then neither of them is right for you.
I admit this statement made me pause for a second before I could say whether or not I agree with it. I imagined myself in the position where I had feelings for two women at the same time, and having to choose which of them I wanted to be with. In doing that, I understood my position on the topic: You should never have to choose.
Why? Because when you know, when you really know you want to be with someone, you have no interest in talking to or spending time with anyone else. After my first date with my girlfriend, everything changed. I didn’t text anyone else, talk to anyone else, or see anyone else. The desire simply wasn’t there.
It wasn’t something I chose. Ultimately, I didn’t choose to be with her over someone else. I didn’t choose to fall in love with her. I do choose, every day, the things we mentioned earlier in the article, and the one I referenced in the beginning.
But, love, I did not choose.
So, why should you never choose your significant other? Because if you aren’t sure enough to only be interested in them in the first place, they are probably not the right one for you.
Relationships are not about checking items off of a list. They are not about an arbitrary test score or seeing how someone matches up to some list a blogger put together on the internet (Even me…). Yes, these concepts can help you determine whether or not someone may be a good person or a good match for you, but relationships are not just about logic or reason. In fact, they are seldom about that at all.
Without the spark between you, the chemistry, the ‘it factor’ or whatever you want to call it, then there is no point in attempting to fit a square peg in a round hole. It just won’t work in the long run. And the thing about this spark is – you don’t choose to feel it.
It just…happens, and usually when you least expect it. That’s what makes it so beautiful.
Originally appeared on James M. Sama’s website.
Photo: FLickr/Artem Popov