There’s a lot of talk about ‘’toxic masculinity” these days, and a common misunderstanding, especially amongst younger men, that the term is intended to describe all male behaviour, not just certain types of harmful actions or attitudes.
A similar thing happened with the word ‘feminist, which originally described women who were quite justifiably demanding equal rights with men, but came to be associated with a distorted image of angry male-hating females. I don’t know if that was because some men deliberately misinterpreted their campaign as a justification for not making the changes that feminist women were asking for; or if it was the result of news media trying to create a heightened sense of drama and conflict to attract more readers. In any case, the result has been that many young women have distanced themselves from an idea that was actually very much in their interests.
When boys of school age think they’re being labelled as ‘’toxic” by their female schoolmates and teachers simply because of their gender, it’s understandable if, in the absence of any other affirmations of their budding manhood. they are attracted to the welcoming arms of ‘manosphere’ influencers like Andrew Tate, whose distorted version of male pride, based on aggression and arrogance, could be reassuring to them.
The reality is that he offers boys nothing in real terms of self-esteem, because his idea of male value is based on the capacity to dominate women and girls – the very people that self-respecting men of any age should be wanting to support in a mutually respectful way.
As an antidote to this, boys and young men need to be encouraged to feel good about their maleness in whatever way they choose to express it – especially when girls seem to be outdoing them in many areas academically. It would be tragic if insecurity tempted any of them to mimic the aggression and violence that inadequate-feeling men use to bully their way into getting an illusion of respect, but which in fact marks them out to be losers all the important ways.
As men, let’s do everything we can to model positive masculinity to boys and young men as a way to help them to feel proud of themselves and their gender, so they can become the best version of themselves, and be the kind of men that they, and everyone close to them, can feel proud of.
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This Post is republished on Medium.
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Photo credit: iStock
The only thing that makes masculinity dark is the lack of character and maturity to preside over it. However, when someone openly takes pride in cutting down another person’s pride,has that darkness. Unapologetic males shouldn’t be discouraged, someone has to see that masculinity as a leadership quality, and mature masculinity is more about being constructive than being destructive (immature masculinity). Mr.Tate is a backlash against toxic femininity that proliferated suddenly in our culture (I blame social media platforms), and rather than bowing down to women’s higher brain and pleasing everyone, he knows how to appeal to women’s reptilian brain for… Read more »
Steve, You raise important issues that many of us here on The Good Men Project support (I have been writing articles since they first launched over ten years ago). Nice to hear about you and your work.
Write more, Steve.
You’re right on about the misdirection of young men today, the toxicity of “toxic masculinity” and Andrew Tate’s views. Add to your “better ways to feel proud of themselves.” How?
Rob Garfield MD
Author of “Breaking the Male Code” Philadelphia, PA
“When boys of school age think they’re being labelled as ‘toxic’ by their female schoolmates and teachers simply because of their gender, it’s understandable if, in the absence of any other affirmations of their budding manhood. they are attracted to the welcoming arms of ‘manosphere’ influencers like Andrew Tate, whose distorted version of male pride, based on aggression and arrogance, could be reassuring to them… As an antidote to this, boys and young men need to be encouraged to feel good about their maleness in whatever way they choose to express it.” Or, perhaps as a superior antidote, it would… Read more »