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People who have often been bullied feel that the bully has power over them. That may be correct, in some cases, but it may also be possible to claim your personal power and find peace.
Dr. Wayne Dyer, author of There’s A Spiritual Solution To Every Problem, states,
the moments when you think someone else is causing the disorder and chaos you are feeling are moments to recognize that the person is allowing you to discover that you have not yet mastered yourself.
Bullies can often become the most exceptional teachers in your life. They may teach you to stand up for yourself or to love yourself more.
Sometimes we have to experience the journey of being mistreated before we begin treating ourselves better.
In 2012, I stood up to being bullied for speaking out against prohibited personnel practices in my former government agency. While I was a courageous female and had spent 20 years in the Air Force, I was exhausted after being harassed for 18 months. Working long hours to compile my case of retaliation for filing a discrimination case with the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission drained me, and I had no clue what self-care meant. Employees who speak up in federal agencies are often mistreated very badly—that happened to me.
Let me tell you that I know what the inside of a sterile and colorless Mental Health ward looks like. It was humbling that I had bought into the victimhood for a while. I spent a few days in the Mental Health ward while discovering that I did not have to feel like a victim any longer. On the third day, I was allowed to take a shower, and I could not move fast enough to get under the shower spray. Running down the hallway, I paused and looked into a metal mirror.
While looking in that mirror, it became a “mental” mirror for me. I hardly recognized myself and realized I had become my own worst bully for thinking I was a victim.
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Years earlier, I had a more impressive view of myself. On that day, I did not like feeling like a victim. After having a hate-fest with myself for feeling so weak and vulnerable, I vowed to be more mindful of my thoughts, which formed my belief system.
That empowered me to move forward in my life, and it’s a victory to have a positive outcome if you are being bullied or discriminated against by other people. The conclusion to my story was not only victorious, but it moved me to help others.
Allow me to share my insights with you.
You may be thinking that a particular person is driving you crazy with their behavior or comments. Narcissistic bullies love to create misery in your life. Don’t give away your personal power. I suggest you smile at them and walk away peacefully if you can.
My best teacher was a narcissistic bully, and she knew how to upset me, like no other person on this earth! I learned from my mentor to be kind to her and to visualize loving and white energy around her. While I love my mentor, I thought it would be a cold day in Hell before I could be nice to someone who abused people and often got away from it.
Well, I gave it a shot! This person would always walk in on me talking to someone and act like I did not exist. In the past, she won—I got mad. The reaction of me becoming angry was her highest goal.
One day, I did follow my mentor’s advice, and when this woman interrupted my conversation, with the intent of upsetting me, I stopped and smiled at her. Her face began to match her frizzy red hair.
I kept talking to her and asked how her day was going. She was so mad at me having mastery of myself that she was speechless for about 20 seconds and stormed out of the room. I have to admit, I have an incredible mentor, and her advice worked in my situation.
In the future, the woman stayed pretty far from me. She realized that I had claimed my personal power and she had no mastery over me any longer. I wished I had learned the lesson sooner, but life is a journey of education by great teachers. Some of those bullies are your best teachers.
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It may take a professional mental health expert to support you in recovery. If someone upsets you emotionally or they trigger you, there could be some unsolved or unhealed issues in your life. Bullying may trigger you, and a mental health professional may be able to assist you in going back to the earliest memory of you being bullied to help you resolve your mistreatment through counseling sessions.
A Life Coach who facilitates in empowering clients may support you in having a “breakthrough” in why you are attracting people who are mistreating you in your life. You may find a spiritual or religious mentor who helps you to become a better version of yourself.
It’s generally easier to experience peace, love, and happiness when you have a mentor or expert you resonate with and holds you accountable for your personal growth. When you work on your personal growth, it may be very uncomfortable, but there is nothing like owning your story, instead of your story owning you.
Your thoughts form your belief system.
Choose your thoughts carefully because your opinions do not have to make you a victim, you can be a survivor or even, a thriver. Visualize a positive and peaceful outcome with those who mistreat you. They may also be victims themselves.
You can still hold mean acting people accountable when they don’t respond to your kindness, or when they become a serious menace. When you have tried to have a peaceful relationship with the bully, and it’s not working you may want to check out an article I wrote, “Workplace Bullying and Discrimination Solutions.”
Everyone deserves to be treated respectfully in life and the workplace.
As I wrap up, self-care is so important when you are feeling worked up by the actions or comments of other people. Some of the best modalities I have found to be successful include: meditation, walking in the woods, praying, reading, working in the garden, and breathing slower.
Yes. Breathing slower works! It’s as simple as taking in a breath to the count of five, holding it for a few seconds, and blowing out your breath to the count of six. When you breathe out, you can blow out the air as if you were blowing it out of a straw with your mouth.
One of the first things you may notice is that your body calms down and you shift into a more focused awareness of being mindful of your present self. That is what mastery of yourself is about—being aware of your emotions and staying more peaceful in your life.
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