Kiddos:
There is a lot to learn about happiness. One thing I recently learned is that I am, statistically speaking, at the most unhappy point in my life. More correctly, I am at the age when men, on average, are at their most unhappy.
This knowledge has come from the Managing Happiness course offered by HarvardX, taught by Dr. Arthur Brooks. It has been a wonderful exploration of the science of happiness as well as how to manage my own happiness.
One of the final assignments of the course is to add some reflection to my “happiness portfolio.” I share that bit of reflection with you.
Prompt 1: Discernment
Imagine yourself happy and flourishing, five years from now. Think about how you spend your time, what kind of work you are doing, and the relationships you are interested in. Assume that each of these things is making you happy. What would this look like? What will contribute to your well-being in general? What will you be doing to foster purpose and meaning?
List the top five things about the future “you,” or the things you will be doing, that make your future self happy.
Don’t like ads? Become a supporter and enjoy The Good Men Project ad free
Here are my answers. Five years from now:
- Joseph has graduated from high school and is serving a church mission. The other kids are thriving in school and doing rewarding extra-curricular activities.
This course has made it even more evident how much you kids factor into my happiness. You bring me enormous joy, which underscores the wisdom of investing in you. For Joseph, church service will be an important part of our family identity and represent the culmination of so much self-investment on your part. He will be a good example. For the rest of you, I will support you in your interests and push you to do your best. Happiness often comes from struggle, and youth is a great time to learn how to achieve hard things.
2. My marriage is marked by lots of time together.
Finding a partner who is committed to me has been such a blessing. As one of the major sources of happiness for me, I know I need to invest more in my relationship with your mom. Reading the same books, worshipping together, going on dates again, and just hanging out are all valid ways to strengthen the bond.
3. I am working in a leadership role or one that has lots of flexibility.
Job satisfaction is a major component of overall happiness. I have been blessed with good jobs that suit my strengths, for the most part. And one of the things that will raise my happiness and yours is to demonstrate gratitude. Still, I want more from my work. I am ambitious, and this causes a tension. That tension can be healthy if I learn to find satisfaction in the things I can’t control.
4. I am retired from the military and spending more time volunteering.
That day is roughly three years from now, so in five, I will be past the mixed emotions of closing an important chapter in my life. I love military service and the experiences it has given me. But as my body ages, it has become more difficult to keep up with the demands. I will prepare myself for the transition by taking stock of what I have achieved and using those skills to give more of myself to church callings or another charity.
5. I exercise regularly and am in great shape for my age.
Being in good physical health is so satisfying. I try to be an example to all of you by exercising and inviting you to join me. I will try harder. In five years I will be in the best shape since my 20s by sticking to a modest plan.
Prompt 2: Management
Now, bring things back to today. How can you move toward this happy future? What are you currently focused on? What are you managing most actively? What are you leaving up to chance?
The first steps are sometimes the hardest. But they are mental. I have decided — no, resolved — to do this because I want to be happy and I want you to be happy with me.
I will start again to get in better shape, making deliberate efforts to build my relationship with your mom, pray more for gratitude, and document my successes more systematically.
I’ve realized that my goals need to get more realistic and more specific. I will go for runs on Sunday and Wednesday evenings, and do pushups and stretches daily. Mom and I are constantly working out plans to spend time together, and as I shed tasks that don’t match my priorities or lead to happiness, I will have more available for the things that matter.
Leave nothing to chance. Take control. That’s what I’m doing and I can already feel the difference. Sometimes we just need a reminder, so let this be yours.
—
Previously Published on Medium
iStock image
