Your Relationship “Green Flags” Are Actually Red Flags in Disguise

“She’s always there when I need her. She never gives me grief about anything. And you know what? Last week, she surprised me with courtside tickets to the game that I wanted to play for a long time.”

I thought Lee would give me his usual fist bump.

But he didn’t. Instead, he leaned in and said, “I am worried about you, my brother.”

Literally, at that time, my stomach dropped. How could he not see how amazing she is?

But after talking with him. I started thinking in my mind, ‘Could it be true? Were the very things I loved about our relationship actually giant red flags I’d been too blind to see? ’

That conversation actually flipped everything I thought I knew about healthy relationships.

Now I will talk about some uncomfortable truth.

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We all have heard about the ‘RED FLAGS,’ right?

It’s a glaring warning that tells us and screams, ‘Get out while you still can’.

But what about those trickier and more manupilative green flags? Those signs may look positive but actually hint at a more problematic issue.

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She’s Your Personal Hype Woman 24/7

That girl, she is constantly singing your praise. It may seem like you had a jackpot.

But dig it inside; you may find some uncomfortable truths.

If she is excessively flattery in the infancy of the relationship. Then it can be a sign of manipulation. It’s famous as ‘LOVE BOMBING’. In this, they make you feel so special. They create a sense of obligation.

I am not saying compliments are not good. Real and true compliments are good and great. But be wary if it feels like she is laying it on too thick.

She Never, Ever Disagrees With You

Two people can never be the same on everything.

And in my POV, Healthy relationships have respectful disagreements.

But if there is someone who is always on your side. Who Never argue with you or cause drama. It initially sounds like heaven or paradise. But a partner who never challenges you Or expresses a different opinion:

conflict-avoidant, leading to pent-up resentment.
Maybe laking her own identity or opinions.
She might be telling you what you want to hear rather than being real with you.

HR has respectful disagreements. And they have the ability to work together on conflicts.

She Wants to Spend Every Second With You

Quality time is important. But partner who always wants to be stuck to you or attached like a lice to you. She might be displaying the following:

Either she is possessive or has controlling behavior;
it’s form insecurity or jealousy.
A lack of her own friendships or interests.

There should be a balance of togetherness and independence in relationships.

We shouldn’t have to give our boy’s night or hobbies for that.

Lavish Gifts and Grand Gestures from Day One

all of us like gifts. And who doesn’t love being spoiled? But in the infancy of a relationship, she shows you an expensive gift over the romantic gesture. Then, from my point of view, it’s worth pause and consider.

If she is trying to buy your affection,
is this creating an imbalance of power in the relationship?
Is she setting up unrealistic expectations that can’t be maintained?

True generosity comes from the heart. Not from the wallet.

She Fits Your “Dream Girl” Checklist to a T

As I talked before. Finding a girl who ticks all of the boxes on your dream girl checklist. It’s like a lottery.

But you just recently started out. And she is mirroring all of your interests, values, and desires. Then be cautious.

She may be molding herself to fit your ideal, rather than being authentic
hiding aspects of her true personality
setting the stage for disappointment when she can’t maintain the façade.

Real compatibility allows for differences and complementary traits.

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So what’s the reason we fall for these wolves in sheep’s clothing?

There are few psychological factors.

It is all too easy for the mind to find knowledge that supports a desired opinion or belief. And if we wanted a relationship to succeed, we may see signs of a toxic relationships as favorable.
We see this when we are easily able to form a positive impression of others that we may not even be privy to evidence to support our positive beliefs about them.
Cinema, television, and social networks introduce us to a powerful, captivating passion that people should strive for. This can make it very difficult for us to even develop a realistic idea of how normal and healthy relationships should be.
If we have had the experience of unhealthy relationships or low self-esteem, behaviors that seem too good to be true can be reassuring, and we don’t pay attention to potential problems.

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Now you might have a question. What are the genuine green flags then?

— Those who respect your boundaries and independence.

— Should have EI and ability to communicate

— consistency between their words and actions

— should be supporting individuals goals and ambitions

— ability apologize and work on them

— sense of independence and her own life

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I hope you enjoyed reading. This blog post comes from what I’ve learned, what I think, and what I believe. Sign up for my Medium newsletter.

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