I know you’re lonely.
You’re a hopeless romantic, and yet you’ve never even been kissed. You’re 17, wondering if that boy across the room thinks you’re pretty.
You’re 23, ready to fall in love, and go on the adventure of your life with someone who makes your heart skip.
You’re 35, wondering if it’s ever going to happen for you. You just want someone to love, someone to wrap their arms around you and touch their lips to yours.
You’re almost 45 now; you just want to share your life with someone. You want to be in the company of someone who makes you feel seen, heard, and valued.
You feel like you’re going to explode with all of the desire you have within you.
Is it possible to find romantic love? And why does it feel so hard? Why does it feel like everyone around me is in love, and all I do is feel alone? You wonder.
Love comes when you least expect it.
Real and authentic love is natural and organic. It happens when two people come together under no particular circumstances, and something sparks between the two of them.
There’s no pressure; they’re not worried about whether or not this is it for them; they’re merely two individuals, whole and happy on their own, but something makes them curious if they could be better together.
Love isn’t something you plan for; it’s not a magic trick you pull out of a hat or form out of thin air; love is a feeling that inevitably turns into a choice.
One you then choose to make every single day.
Love isn’t a race.
I remember thinking when I was younger, if I just meet someone now, I can get it over with, and I can focus on everything else in my life.
This mindset caused me to settle for people who were wrong for me. I was so thirsty for affection that drinking dirty water was good enough.
Maybe all of your friends are dating, married, and with kids, and you’re the last single one in the group. You know it’s not a race, but it feels like you’re nowhere close to where they’re at — where you wish you were at.
You don’t know the insides of their life. You don’t know what they’re struggling with; you don’t know if they have the perfect marriage or if their kids drive them crazy.
You’re comparing your life to someone else’s, and you don’t even have the whole picture.
Don’t choose to settle because you’re lonely.
You know when you walk into a store, and you find the perfect top, only the color you want isn’t available, so you opt for your second favorite? Or maybe you don’t even like the color at all; you just want the top because you think it’ll complete your outfit that night.
You know when people hop on the latest trend, and even though you know you don’t really like it and it’s not your style, you do it anyway because you don’t want to feel left out?
You know when you settle down with someone who you know doesn’t truly make you happy, but you’re so afraid of being lonely, and society is pressuring you not to be single, so you give your mind, body, and soul to someone who doesn’t deserve it?
You know what the right choice is; your gut always tells you right from wrong. The world around you is loud and pushy; you constantly let it walk all over you because you’re afraid.
Afraid of what? Being independent? Afraid of not finding someone when there are over 7 billion people in the world?
You’re so focused on finding someone to complete you and make your life better that you’re bypassing the fact that the only person who will ever complete you and make you truly happy is yourself.
A significant other is a bonus. A blessing. An addition to your already happy life.
Don’t go looking for love. Do what you love, and love will find you.
Love is soft. It creeps up on you when you’re lost in thought, going through life, being yourself, exploring new horizons, learning more about who you are and what you want out of this world.
You can’t plan for it. You can prepare for it by becoming the best possible version of yourself.
Do what you love, read books that make you think, read books that make you smile. Read poetry that reminds you that extraordinary love exists, and one day it will come your way. I read Pablo Neruda all through high school.
Go see the sunset, admire the colors in it, have you ever seen such art before?
Take yourself out to dinner. Fall in love with your own company. Did you know you’re this intelligent?
Sip on wine with your dinner while you scribble your thoughts in a journal. Did you know you have so much to say?
Love will find you when you least expect it.
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This post was previously published on Medium.
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