I’m not sure if I mentioned it here or not, but my columns are syndicated over on The Good Men Project. They drop one of my hits weekly, and this week is an excellent column I wrote a few years back.
“The Art Of Abuse”, and some of you old timers may remember it. It’s the one where I talk about your spouse wearing giant foam thumbs down hands and booing you at your job. Yes, it is funny, I agree.
The reason I’m glad they have chosen this column to run this week is because I see so many people asking, “is this abuse?” Let me jump on this quickly.
If you are getting ready to head home with good news, such as a promotion, a raise, whatever. Whatever news constitutes good news in your world, are you excited to tell your significant other? Or do you know before you even get home that they will immediately be the Debbie Downer who is going to ruin your good mood and probably the remainder of your day.
Yea, that’s abuse. Verbal and emotional. I know, I fucking lived it.
I know I talk a lot about Mr. Choked Me To The Fucking Floor in terms of physical abuse, but understand that son of a bitch could and did make me feel so bad about myself at every single opportunity. When I tell you it took years for me to repair the shit that he said and did to me as a person, it is an understatement. I’m still working on the parts of me that he chipped away.
I may not ever be done.
A lot of times, we fail to recognize this type of abuse. We take it as backhanded compliments, or maybe they just don’t know how this type of talk makes us feel. Um. Bitch, no.
They know. They know and it’s exactly why they do it.
They’re not blind to the way it makes us feel. They are literally waiting to see our faces crumble. It’s how they get their fucking kicks and it’s how they keep us feeling as though we’re beneath them.
I’m not even going to address the escalation factor. I’m simply going to ask that you examine your relationship. Are you with the asshole who constantly points out your flaws and faults? If so, I ask you why?
You are better than that. Imagine if I had stayed under the thumb of someone who always told me I would never achieve this dream of writing to all of you. We wouldn’t be having this conversation right now.
But I knew, deep down in my soul, that a petty ass bitch of a man wouldn’t know my worth if I smacked him across his face with it. And I was right.
I usually am.
If you are in a relationship with someone who puts you down, calls you names, makes you feel bad about yourself, and just generally talks to you horribly, hit me up. Let’s work on getting you out of that sorry excuse for a relationship, because baby you are better than that.
I promise you that.
So, go read the column over on The Good Men Project, and show your girl some love.
Love-Q
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This post was previously published on MEDIUM.COM.
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You may also like these posts on The Good Men Project:
White Fragility: Talking to White People About Racism | Escape the “Act Like a Man” Box | The Lack of Gentle Platonic Touch in Men’s Lives is a Killer | What We Talk About When We Talk About Men |
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