Dear Greg,
Thank you for coming into our office yesterday to interview for the open position of Director of Marketing. However, on behalf of Diane, the hiring manager, I’m afraid that we are not going to be moving further on account that we did not like you.
I know that this isn’t the outcome you were hoping for. However, for us, it was exactly the outcome we wanted. We didn’t want to offer you the job. In this case, it was personal.
As soon as you walked into our corporate offices located in that menacing high-rise building, we took an instantly dislike to you.
To start, you were impeccably dressed for the interview, but you had the tiniest piece of fluff on your shirt. The piece of fluff wa barely visible to the naked eye. But Diane, the hiring manager, and myself, her abrasive assistant? We noticed. We definitely noticed.
Yes, you showed up early to the interview, you were prepared, and you politely greeted Diane and I like a professional. But we didn’t appreciate your embarrassing attempts at overcompensation due to that hideous piece of fluff on your dress shirt.
Then, as Diane and I escorted you to the board room, she commented about a misplaced strand of hair on your head. She couldn’t identify what it was about that strand of hair, but she didn’t like it. Neither did I.
As we started to tell you about the position, she took notice of how you crossed your legs as you sat down. There was something about how carefully and professionally you crossed your legs that didn’t agree with her.
You were also wearing dark-colored leather shoes, which Diane also took notice of because she didn’t like leather. I, too, was wondering who the hell you were trying to impress.
When Diane asked you about about your strengths and weaknesses, you answered the question adequately. But even that caught us off guard. We weren’t prepared to like any of your responses, and we don’t like surprises.
But then the interview got back on track. In other words, our hatred of you resumed. As you were showing us samples of your portfolio, we both took notice of the shape of your hammered-down nose. The samples of your work completely went above our heads, as we couldn’t stop staring at your Owen Wilson nose bridge and kept whispering to each other, in an Owen Wilson voice, “woooooooow.”
Greg — the decision to reject your application was an incredibly easy decision to make, because we didn’t like you and had not desire whatsoever to work with you. It was personal. I hope you find this feedback valuable.
Kind regards,
Sarah
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Previously Published on Medium
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