When I was younger, I got really into PUA media. That’s “Pick-Up-Artist” media for those of you who don’t know. You’ve probably heard some of the fourth generation guys. They’ll tell you that you can see when a woman’s into you by watching for “Primal Signals.” The guys I listened to told you to “peacock,” to “neg” women, and to always carry condoms on you. After years of searching for the answer to how to get a woman to love me, I finally found it.
As David Deangelo might say, it’s counter-intuitive, and yet incredibly simple. First I’ll tell you what it is, and then I’ll tell you how to do it. Ready?
The way to get women to want you is to be attractive.
I know–I know! You probably think I’m messing with you. “No bull,” you might say. “All I had to do was be born Jason Mamoa? Why didn’t you say so.” That’s not the kind of attractiveness I’m talking about.
Think with me here. You know a guy. He’s not that good looking. He’s not muscular or athletic. He’s definitely not rich, but he has a girlfriend or wife that adores him. Or maybe he’s single, and he always has a half-dozen offers on the table.
I’ll bet you know that guy, and I’ll bet you I know why women love him so much. I’ll give you a hint: It’s not because of the way he treats them. This guy–We’ll call him Beethoven– he’s got a thing. Yeah, yeah “we all do.” I know. Get your mind out of the gutter. I’m saying this guy’s life revolves around something and it’s not women. It might be rock climbing, music, making money or astrology–he eats, sleeps, breathes and bleeds it. He knows every type of oil paint there is. He spends entire weekends creating vertical gardens. He can tell you exactly which yoga position will relax your neck and give you confidence in the face of hardship. He is the best at it–or if he’s not the best, he’s connected to all the best.
Most importantly: Beethoven does not care what anyone thinks about him while he’s doing his work. He’s not doing it to score chicks, and that’s exactly why women love him. Let me tell you a little bit about the psychology of this phenomenon.
In order for any woman to be attracted to you, she has to experience two things.
She has to feel safe.
She has to feel that you’re confident.
These are two sides of one coin. If you’re not confident, she wonders what you have to worry about, and she won’t feel that you’re stable, or safe. Why should she feel safe if you don’t? Here’s where it relates to having a thing that you do for its own sake. If your main goal in life is something other than her, she knows that you’re not taking cues from her. Why does that matter? Because she knows that if your only goal is to hook up with her, and you’re taking cues from her, you’ll say and do anything to sleep with her.
If you’ll do anything just to sleep with her one time, she knows you can’t be trusted. Your actions aren’t authentic–or she can’t be sure that they are. That shows you don’t really care about her, even if you want her. You’re not choosing your actions based on who you are, you’re acting based on what you think she wants. Not only does she know you can’t be trusted at this point: she knows she can play you. If she knows she can play you, she won’t respect you.
So, since having your attention centered on a woman drives her away, let’s ask the more important question? How does having your attention focused on a your passion make women attracted to you? (There’s an even more important question than that! I’ll tell you what it is in a moment!) First of all: if you do something out of sheer love, you’re alive. You’re youthful, bright, charismatic. People want to be around you. A woman can see you and tell that you have passion, dedication and skill. She’ll know that you can have passion and dedication for her. Women look at how you treat life to see how you will treat them.
Second, you’re confident because you’re fulfilled. You’re perfectly happy being by yourself, doing what you love. You don’t need her. Not that you don’t recognize your natural interdependence. It’s just that you don’t need to compromise yourself to be with her. You don’t need to lie, cheat or steal to get what you want from her because she doesn’t have what you want. What you want is in your work. Because you love what you do, you’re great at it. Because you know you’re great at something, you have confidence. Your confidence tells her that everything is safe, and that you’re safe for her.
Don’t get it twisted. Staging gestures to communicate these kinds of things to her overtly will not work. She’ll realize that you’re being inauthentic and run. The only way to project charisma, fulfillment and confidence is to actually cultivate those qualities by living life robustly.
That brings us to that ever more important question: Besides that it will attract women to you, how does practicing a passion benefit you?
You will be free of the need to be with someone. You’ll be free of loneliness. Insults will not hurt your pride. Rejection, loss, and obstacles will neither dishearten nor deter you. You will be a complete person, smart, capable, and most importantly “free in all the way the ways that you are not,” right now.
That kind of freedom can never be had by someone who is forever running in circles to impress and satisfy other people. The only way to it is to find something that you love doing with all your being, regardless of what it pays of who it impresses. Bonus points if it also benefits other people. Do you know how satisfying it is to build a structurally sound, beautiful house, and watch people move in to it? Or the joy you feel when someone bites right into a tomato you’ve been babying all summer long and watch them go “Mmmm!” in spite of themselves? When you write a symphony, man, you will know ecstacy.
No one can take that from you man. No one can withhold it from you. The power is all in your hands. The only place you can have that kind of power is in artful work.
So go on man. Delete Tinder. Clear out your phone. Cancel all your appointments. Carve out a piece of every day and a chunk of every week to squeezing every drop of juice you can out of that one thing you love to do. It’s going to bring exactly the kind of woman you want to love right into your arms, but first, it’s going to make you so happy you’ll forget you’re looking for her. She’ll be everything you forgot you ever wanted, and you’ll be the same to her.
Peace be with you man! Stay up!
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