Kenny Bodanis argues that by apologizing for saying the word ‘gay’, we are implying there is something wrong with being gay. And that, says Kenny, is the real insult.
George Constanza–who the NY Times labeled as “television’s most lovable homophobe“–wouldn’t have cared less; and neither should Jason Alexander.
But the versatile actor–who brought such humanity to the flamboyantly fantasticly gay Buzz Hauser in 1997’s Love! Valour! Compassion!–is now apologizing for offending bowlers and batsmen, gays, and especially gay bowlers and gay batsmen. He issued this statement after an appearance on the Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson during which he referred to cricket as kind of a “gay game”.
Of course the comment triggered an emotional gag reflex, prompting Mr. Alexander to tweet a thousand-word apology with Oscar-worthy contrition:
“…to the extent that these jokes made anyone feel even more isolated or misunderstood or just plain hurt – please know that was not my intention, at all or ever. I hope we will someday live in a society where we are so accepting of each other that we can all laugh at jokes like these and know that there is no malice or diminishment intended.
But we are not there yet.”
No, we are apparently not. But, for the love of Liberace, we should be. The offendees are missing the point–one I tried to make in this post–one should only be offended by comments one deems insulting. “Stupid jerk!”…insulting. “Asshole!”…insulting.
Why?
Because nobody likes stupid jerks and/or assholes.
But, “gay”? If you feel being called “gay” is insulting, you must ergo believe homosexuality is insulting. It not, it is no different than someone on a bus sticking his fat head out the window and yelling: “Hey, you! You’re 5’10”!”
Either he’s right–and a tremendous judge of height from a distance–or he’s wrong, and who cares how tall he thinks you are?
Now, here is poor George Costanza, who spent five minutes on a talk show trying to do what he’s done for decades: impart a wisp of gaiety to the American public. Instead he was forced to whip out a feathered boa to protect his backside, and issue an apology.
The statement itself is full of love, and compassion, but lacks the valour which would have come with saying nothing at all.
I understand Jason, but I miss George.
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(AP Photo/Las Vegas News Bureau, Glenn Pinkerton)
Funny how there’s no mention of anyone being offended on behalf of British people or on behalf of cricket players. It seems like the American audience is in agreement with his analysis but simply offended by his choice of words. I imagine that those millions of people playing and watching cricket all over the world would see this differently than most Americans. A player in Pakistan might be equally offended at the idea that he was throwing like a Brit. Anyone going to defend British men against the widepsread stereotype that they’re effeminate? Just accepting that now, are we? Consider… Read more »
@wellokathen While your point is well taken, and you have a singular wit, allow me too tell you what the answer will be: Unlike gays, Brits and batsmen aren’t routinely beaten for being British; given their own quarter to live in on the British Isle so they can commune together without being leered at; have their reputations tarnished for being caught having HETEROsexual relations with other brits; and forced to hide the fact they’re British lest everyone change their behavior towards them. As far as Major League Baseball goes: as much as I try to stay up for 8pm games,… Read more »
Ah nothing to defend though…or at least if you try to “defend” them from seeming feminine, then that is actually quite insulting too. You end up implying that being feminine is a bad thing that needs to be defended against, if you see what I mean.
Good Morning.
Funny; I discussed this post with my wife AFTER I wrote it (big mistake – waiting until afterwards, that is). She agreed with the comments above. I understand your points about the intention behind the statement, and I agree. It is an angle I should have considered more carefully. What I appreciate most of all is the civil tone of the discourse in this comment section; not often seen on the web these days. Thanks, everybody.
Yeah basically what a lot of these commenters said. The word ‘gay’ has a long history of use and meanings, and part of that is used as a slur, and part of it is to describe homosexual people. The very act of using a word that means ‘homosexual’ as a slur implies that being gay is a bad thing. The whole “but I didn’t mean it like that,” argument doesn’t work. When it comes to using language, particularly in public, what a person means is really only a small portion of what is heard. Words have history and baggage that… Read more »
“When it comes to using language, particularly in public, what a person means is really only a small portion of what is heard. Words have history and baggage that individuals don’t control.” They have come to have a baggage among politically correct people that is just absurd. I don’t care if he uses it as a slur. Intentions and attitudes matter. I think what Sharon Osborne did when she advocated that a woman who was cheated on could cut off a man’s penis. There was no controversy about that. I am tired of some categories being politically favored and others… Read more »
This is totally inaccurate. There is outrage whenever someone says something about castrating a man. There’s also outrage whenever someone says something that’s pro-gay. Most of the west has basic free speech and access to the internet. There is outrage whenever anyone says anything. So let’s not pretend that somehow liberals are the only voices that are heard. Secondly, intentions and attitudes do matter…I pointed out that it’s only a “small portion,” not that it didn’t matter at all. Intentions and attitudes….it’s why a gay stand-up comic can get away with more jokes about stereotypes than a straight comic, because… Read more »
I miss the days when “gay” meant a flamboyant expression of a lighthearted, joyous mood.
I have always, just *loved* (note the sarcasm) the fact that effeminate = bad/weak. Womanlike? THE HORROR. Great job being LBGT – friendly while maintaining your sexism. Bigots of different flavors, but bigots still. Think about it next time you tell your buddy he ‘throws like a girl’ or to ‘stop being such a chick’. Nice.
What is wrong, apart from what the other commenters said, is that these words are used by one group to diminish another and assert power over its members. He didn’t mean to do that, it’s pretty clear, but as someone who used to work with a boss who continually referred to me as Jewish, I can tell you words have power. It has nothing to do with the fact that being Jewish is OK. When people use “gay” instead of “lame,” they say being straight is better, more manly, more “normal,” and deserving of a better place in society. Don’t… Read more »
This seems to miss the point of the outrage and the apology. When you use the phrase “that’s gay” or an equivalent you ARE implying that gay is bad. It’s the use of the word as a pejorative that people object to.
“It’s the use of the word as a pejorative that people object to.”
Agreed, it’s like a man discounting what a woman says by replying “women” or a woman discounting what a man says by replying “men”. It’s the intent of the word.
Exactly. In fact, Mr. Bodanis makes the point by missing it: When we insult things, we do it by comparing it to something we think is bad in some way. So when we call something “gay” in a derogatory manner, we’re implying that we think there’s something wrong with being gay. Unfortunately, I do think that using “gay” to mean “silly, pointless, stupid, especially in an anti-macho way” has become so culturally ingrained that, while Mr. Alexander was justified in apologizing, he overdid it. Maybe Wanda Sykes called him up and gave him a scolding, in her inimitable way.
I think it was a great apology. His particular use of the term was not nearly the worst out there, but his apology was great in that it really explained why it’s so problematic. I saw it as a social discussion first, and an apology second, really.
I think you miss the point. “Gay” is regularly used to imply stupid or to create an association between the object (cricket) and common stereotypes of homosexuality (effeminate, weak etc.). The question is, what exactly did he intend by calling a sport gay. Unless he means that all cricket players do in fact sleep only with members of the same sex then the characterization was dependent on homophobic stereotypes in order to be funny.
As insults go, what Jason Alexander said is minor. But it is nevertheless an insult because he chose the word “gay” as a joke. Your analogy to height might make sense if you’d chosen something outside the norm rather than 5′ 10″. However, the word “gay” in particular has been used for a long time as a slur to indicate anything considered outside the norm or wrong. By the way, George Costanza is a character once played by the actor Jason Alexander. The latter seems to understand that his words might have hurt people who have been hurt a lot… Read more »