Matt Crowder wants to reclaim the insult “Mama’s Boy” and celebrate the guys who love their mothers.
At one point in our lives we have either referred to as one or heard someone else being called one: A Mama’s Boy. As I remember it, being a “Mama’s Boy” wasn’t a good thing. Hopefully that stigma is about to change. Kate Stone Lombardi has written a book titled, The Mama’s Boy Myth which dispels many of the negative connotations associated with being a Mama’s Boy. Ms. Lombardi was interviewed recently on Good Morning America and speaks about her book and some of the benefits of good motherly nurturing such as Communication skills, self-control, and avoiding risky behavior.
I personally found this to be very interesting in that while I wasn’t called a “Mama’s Boy” to my face, I have always had a good relationship with my mom. If I could be half the parent that mine were then I have no doubt that my daughter will turn out pretty good.
Before I get too far, I want to say that I also have a really good relationship with my dad. He has been an awesome example to me of what a man should be and how to be a good father. Our relationship is different though than the one that I have with my mom. Mom had one of the most under-appreciated and under-valued “jobs”. She was a stay at home mom. While some in our society may look down on her for it, I for one greatly appreciate the fact that my mom was always there when we went to school and when we got home.
Often it was mom who would drop us off at school or pick us up after practice. If I close my eyes I can still smell the cookies or brownies that mom would regularly have baking for us when we got home from school. Now that I am older there is still something comforting to me knowing that if I call the house Mom will most likely be there and I can talk to her for a few minutes on my way to or from work.
Sure, my dad does have a cell phone and I could call him whenever I want to, but I know that he has meetings and is busy at work so if I talk to him it’s normally in the evening or on the weekends. It’s not that I don’t like talking to my dad, in fact it’s just the opposite. I am already looking forward to this summer when I know I will get to go golfing with my dad and we can spend a few hours, just the two of us, talking to each other while we try our best to psyche each other out so that we can win that hole or the round.
I strongly agree with the article and what Ms. Lombardi talks about in her book. Just the little bit that is online and in the interview has made this book part of my reading list. Hopefully this can go a long way to change our societal view on “Mama’s Boys”. In looking back at my relationship with my Mom, I guess I would fit in some ways into the mold of being a one too. I’ve honestly never thought of it as a bad thing, maybe because I have such a good mom and because I do have a good relationship with my dad too. If anything, my relationship with my mom has made me a better man in that I appreciate what my mom does for me and my siblings and that positively affects the way I treat other women in my life.
This makes me think about other negative stereotypes us men have to deal with… Whether it relate to being stay at home dads (as if somehow not as good as the moms), not being the bread winner, or society’s blanket assumptions of being a perv or sicko, abusive, or any other labels that are applied to us for expressing different types of manhood. As a community and society as a whole we need to continue to push back these stereotypes in every way we can, otherwise there will be another generation of boys that have to worry about dealing with them like we have.
What do you think? Is there a stigma attached to being a Mama’s Boy? Can we break the assumption that dads can’t be as good of stay-at-home parents as moms?
Thanks for your support of Ms. Lombardi’s book and your thoughts on it (from a grown son’s perspective!) I am loving the book myself ( I have a grown daughter and a new baby boy) and really think (although it’s painful to admit) that the biggest reason why men have until now been teased about being close to mom is that many jealous, possessive catty women (wives) were threatened by their mother in laws. That’s not right and I bet once those woman have baby boys of their own, they’ll “get it.” So spread the word! And thanks for your… Read more »
I wouldn’t agree more and as a young unmarried guy, I have always felt that mama’s boy was a term coined by a jealous woman (a girlfriend/wife) who couldn’t tolerate the love, the man had for his mother.
Even though the term might be used derisively, one being labelled should certainly take it dash of humour. A son, married or not, would always be his mother’s boy unless of course, his wife herself wants to cultivate a relationship with him in a way nature doesn’t intends/approves of. LOL
I thought being a Momma’s Boy was not separating from the mother enough to have a good relationship with another woman, not just loving and respecting your mother. I thought being a Momma’s Boy meant that the man never goes out and makes his way independently from his family, particularly putting his mother first because perhaps she holds the purse strings or she could even be dependent on him. No one holds it against a man if he loves his mother, but his mother can’t come first before his partner and his own kids.
“I thought being a Momma’s Boy meant that the man never goes out and makes his way independently from his family” e heard that definition used many times. I never understood how people could so easily link a male’s inability or unwillingness to become independent to his relationship with their mother. Sometimes it based on their upbringing – a man raised until his late teen to be dependent on his parents isn’t going to flip a switch and instantly become independent. I see this alot, parents who’ve spoiled their kids rotten then complain when they haven’t gotten a job and/or… Read more »
BTW, the late Pat Tillman had a lot of respect for his mother. He said that he got his persistent, never give up streak from her.
Very interesting article, Matt. As long as our society is male-dominated, there will be a stigma attached to being a Mama’s Boy. Our culture still thinks that masculinity is completely different and superior to femininity. Thus, any man who respects his mother will be considered an immature, clingy, effeminate “mama’s boy.” If he has a military background like you and Pat Tillman, he may get a pass but still, there’s the stigma. BTW, the flip side of being a mama’s boy is being daddy’s little girl. How I HATE that term. Why? Because it conjures up a wily, silly, immature,… Read more »
Marie: So many unproven generalizations in your post. No idea where to begin.
Male Dominated: really , not in North America
Which culture thinks that masculinity is different and superior to feminity.