Josh Bowman is spending the next couple of weeks offering tips on how to do basic activities (you’re welcome). Today: riding a bus.
- Clipping your nails is fine in private. Insanely gross on a bus. Spitting, same thing. Eating hard-boiled eggs, same thing. Masturbating…
- Offer your seat to pregnant women, elderly people, and nurses. Listening to an ipod is not an excuse.
- Headphones are great. Invest in a pair, so that everybody on the bus doesn’t have to hear that new Waka Flocka Flame song.
- Rush hour is not the time to read a huge newspaper, unless you somehow get a seat.
- There is good talking to strangers and bad talking to strangers. Good: a kid drops an ice cream cone and a nearby dog licks it up. You should feel free to smile at your neighbours and remark how cute it is. Bad: a young woman is reading a book with headphones on, and you want to describe your boner. Nope. Don’t do it.
- Don’t bug the driver unless you have something to say that is related to the place you are going on the bus, and you require help in getting there.
- Ring the bell before your stop. Not after. Not during.
- Yes, everybody is super impressed that you were almost in a fight last night. You are a tough guy. Now please stop talking for the next five minutes.
- Don’t pee on the seats. Sidebar to everybody: check seats for pee. It only takes a second, and it could save your pants and your dignity.
- Close your umbrella.