One of the most popular posts on Huffington Post this week, “Hot or Not? Why Women Shouldn’t Pick Attractive Husbands,” claims that smart, beautiful, and financially independent women should resist the temptation to marry attractive and masculine men because they are, by definition, going to fail to be good husbands and fathers.
Attractive men don’t make the best husbands, according to researchers. Guys who are rated as the most masculine—a billboard for a man’s good genes—tend to have more testosterone, and men with higher testosterone levels are 43 percent more likely to get divorced than men with normal levels, 31 percent more likely to split because of marital problems and 38 percent more likely to cheat. In other words, they may be better cads than dads.
Writes author Vicki Larson before concluding:
So, now that Abedin evidently has Weiner’s good genes, she can either stick it out another few years or split from Weiner now, before their unborn baby will have memories of the divorce, and while she’s still young and attractive enough to snag another mate. This time, perhaps she should go ugly.
Evidently those men who are attractive, have testosterone, and are manly are inherently not to be trusted. And of course this is all written in the context of yet another celebrity caught with his pants down somehow representing all men, even those staying-at-home with the kids and those fighting for our country in the Middle East.
One of my favorite lines is from Martin Luther King’s “I Have a Dream” speech. Facing violence and bigotry, he said on that sweltering day in our nation’s capital, “I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.”
The content of their character. It seems to me that goodness, as men and women, has nothing to do with looks and everything to do with the content of our character as husbands and wives, fathers and mothers, as human beings. In looking for a spouse, how about looking for a human being who is a man or woman of character. Sure attraction is part of the laws of reproduction, but attraction is more than skin deep.
The continued piling on in our popular press that men, specially successful and handsome men, are guilty of evil just because of their gender and their looks is nothing less than the bigotry fought by MLK and others during the Civil Rights movement, by brave women who fought for Equal Rights, and currently by homosexuals seeking the right to marry. Let’s stop trying to put people in boxes and start having a frank conversation about what it means to be a good man and a good woman.
Photo by Kjunstorm