The Washington Post reports today about Vice President Joe Biden’s speech to Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors wherein he did something not often seen of prominent politicians—or even of men in general: He admitted how close he came to wanting to end it all after the deaths of his wife and their 13 month-old daughter in a car accident.
“For the first time in my life, I understood how someone could consciously decide to commit suicide,” Biden told a meeting of the Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors at a hotel in Crystal City. The group offers counseling to relatives and friends of military personnel who have died. It was holding its 18th annual military survivor seminar.
In a speech to the friends and families of fallen troops on Friday, Vice President Joe Biden shared the agonizing experience of losing his first wife and daughter in a car crash in 1972.
“Not because they were deranged, not because they were nuts,” Biden continued, according to a transcript. “Because they’d been to the top of the mountain, and they just knew in their heart they’d never get there again, that it was never going to get — never going to be that way ever again. That’s how an awful lot of you feel.”
In a society where men are often given little resources for grief and pain, for a man so prominent as the Vice President to speak publicly about his own feelings of despair has to be seen as a step forward in helping men deal with the issues of depression and suicidal thoughts.
Biden offers for survivors to chart their bad days, so they can see that over time, while the bad times are still just as bad, they do become further apart.
What do you think of our Vice President speaking about his own grief? Does this help progress toward allowing men to be something besides the “pillars of strength” for society? Or is this confession decidedly un-presidential?
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This is one of the first things Biden’s done that I DO respect him for.
How could Biden’s remarks possibly be viewed as unprofessional? Anyone who thinks that frankly needs to get their own head checked.
Twice in my life, I have been depressed severely enough to have seriously entertained suicidal thoughts. That in and of itself doesn’t make me feel ashamed or unmanly. But during the times in which I was going through all of those things, not being able to suppress and control my emotions made me feel very unmasculine. Fortunately, I think society is changing little by little to accept overt emotionality in men. Good for VP Biden to speak out.
I think that this was an extraordinary courageous thing to talk about. I have never had a loss that would cause me to contemplate suicide, however, I agree that their is a code of silence in our society as it relates to men grieving. When I was a kid my dad had a conversation with me where he told me it was ok to cry and show emotion; he said even he did as a grown man. Kudos to Vice President Biden for being a public official in such a high ranking position talking about this.
I lost my son about 18 mos ago. Did I think of committing suicide? NO, but if God decided to blow up the world, I would have gotten down on my knees and thanked him. I can’t really give a good description of my pain other than to say that I’ve never and hope to never experience anything like it again. It feels has if someone rips a hole in your heart and it bleeds pain and sorrow. The rip eventually heals over but the scar remains.
Biden is well known for his hilarious gaffs, but really I quite like him…in part because he seems to be genuine enough to have said so many outrageous gaffs.
I think this statement here speaks to his authenticity, really. It’s really quite brave for him to have shared such a painful and personal experience.
Thank you for sharing this important story. Our society’s history of demanding that men be strong and silent has had tragic consequences. In sharing his story, Vice President Joe Biden is not only modeling a healthy approach to dealing serious issues, he is also giving men permission to do the same.
Biden is incredibly brave to talk so frankly about this issue….it takes a lot of guts to just lay it all out like that… My ex lost his younger sister in a car accident when she was about 17 and he was about 19…he felt tremendous survivor guilt for many years afterwards….he couldn’t talk about it with anyone (or so he said when he met me)….I always thought that if he had been able to deal openly with his grief (and if his mother hadn’t blamed him in some way for the terrible accident), then perhaps he wouldn’t have needed… Read more »
“What do you think of our Vice President speaking about his own grief?” I haven’t lost a wife but have lost a child. Losing a child is high on my list of “as bad as it gets.” Thankfully, I have an enormous support system. Hundreds of people were there for us. Almost too many. I couldn’t deal with them all but appreciated their love and support. I have never contemplated suicide but understand what grief is. I respect VP Biden for admitting it but for those who have experienced similar tragedies, it’s not the least bit surprising. He didn’t have… Read more »