In Aikido, we practiced kaeshi-waza, reversal technique. As nage, the one throwing, I initiate the attack, shomen, strike to the top of the head of uke, the one taking the fall. The uke applies kotegaeshi (wrist lock) to me. I don’t resist the technique. I match up with it. I apply kotegaeshi to myself, to my wrist. I transition and apply nikkyo (another wrist lock) to myself. I flow with the technique with my hands in front. I don’t defend. I let uke come to me. I apply the Aikido technique to myself, not to them.
Ishibashi Sensei said, “You can’t make someone do anything.” Sensei said, “Apply the technique to yourself.” I apply nikkyo to myself. I create my distance. Make my timing. In my position, I can strike uke. I let them know I can. Let them know my intention. Let them know, “I have you.”
As I apply the technique to myself, uke becomes the attacker. I reverse the technique. We reverse roles. Uke gives me the technique. They create possibilities. I can take kotegaeshi (wrist lock), nikkyo (wrist lock), yoko-iriminage (strike to the side of the head), or shihonage (arm bar) in their attack.
I match up with whatever the attacker gives me. I can’t make them do anything. They give me the technique. I apply the technique to myself, not to them. I work on myself, not on them. The attacker works on themselves, too. There is no fight.
After Aikido practice, I smiled and told Sensei, “You can’t make someone do anything. That’s for everything!” Sensei smiled. He said, “That’s conflict resolution.” Because there is no fight. There never has to be one.
I have nothing to do with what goes on inside someone else. I determine what goes on inside me. I can’t make someone do anything. I work on myself, not on them. They work on themselves. The twain shall meet in the space between us. Everything quiet inside.
Singer Songwriter Bonnie Raitt wrote the song, I Can’t Make You Love Me. I said, “I love you” to someone, who didn’t love me. She stayed with me until she could find the man she loved. What we all want in life. Bonnie sang, “I can’t make you love me, if you don’t.” I can’t make someone love me. I can’t make someone do anything. I work on myself, not on them. That’s all I can do.
The Fourth Noble Truth of Buddhism is the path to end suffering. On that path to end suffering, I let go my fear inside that I’m not good enough over, and over, and over, again. I let it go.
Someone very power attacks. I wait it out. I enter the attack, enter what I fear. I take a glancing blow if I have to. I’m not getting away scot-free. It’s one time. I invite the attack. Don’t resist. Don’t defend. If I defend, I can be defeated. Under the attack, in the danger, I hold my position. Make my timing. I apply the technique to myself. I work on myself, not on them. They work on themselves or not. They choose. I can’t make them do anything.
In the danger, I hold my position. Stand my ground. I let the attacker know my intention. Let them know, “I have you.” I don’t oppose. I don’t impose. I let them go. I let it go. There is not fight. There never has to be one.
Everything is finite. Everything comes to an end including us. That’s just our human design. That’s just life. What can I tell you? The very power someone can get that, too. It’s up to them. They have to work on themselves.
On the path to end suffering, I let go being right and making others wrong. I love myself for who I am and forgive myself for who I’m not.
I can’t make someone do anything. They have to do that on their own. We work on ourselves, not on each other. The Third Noble Truth of Buddhism is the end of suffering. All suffering comes to an end, as we do. That’s the lesson of humility. That’s life.
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