About 15 years ago, I could bench press 250 pounds. I weighed about 145 pounds. That was over 100 pounds above my body weight. A pretty good lift. Still, that was not strong. Not really.
In Enter the Dragon (1973), Lee, played by Bruce Lee, bowed to O’Hara, played by Bob Wall, in their match at Han’s Martial Arts Tournament. O’Hara towered over the smaller Lee.
After he bowed O’Hara shattered a wooden board in front of Lee’s face. Unimpressed, Lee looked at O’Hara. He unflinchingly said, “Boards don’t hit back.”
Lee demonstrated as he brutally defeated O’Hara with his amazing speed, power, and skill. Boards don’t hit back. He could.
No, breaking wooden boards or bench pressing 250 pounds doesn’t make you strong. No, that doesn’t make you a badass. What makes you strong comes from inside you.
In Aikido, the late Mizukami Sensei taught me to throw with my feeling out. I throw from my one point, ki, throw from my center. It doesn’t matter how small or big, how weak or strong you are, you can throw with your feeling out. It makes no difference if the attacker is bigger and stronger than me, I can throw with my feeling out. I take a glancing blow if I have to. It’s one time. I practice that over, and over, and over again. Practice makes the unnatural, natural. Just train.
In Sunday morning Aikido pracrtice, I trained with students in katate-tori jyuwaza, using various Aikido techniques for the one-handed grabbing attack. Students threw like they were afraid. They threw out of fear. They defended against the attack, stopping it. Then they tried to figure out what to do. They were very rough, out of control, and afraid.
Hanshi said, “If you defend, you can be defeated.” Students threw the attacker like they were afraid of getting hurt. However, that didn’t happen by design. This was practice. There was no fight. Still, they were scared inside themselves. They didn’t throw with their feeling out. Instead, they threw holding their fear inside, hoping it would work.
Many years ago, the late Mizukami Sensei taught me the koan, “Mushin. Mushin.” In Japanese, mushin means no mind or empty mind. “Mushin. Mushin.” – translates as “If you think you have an empty mind, you don’t have one.” I can only create from nothing, from an empty mind. I can only create my Aikido from nothing, too.
In the attack, Mizukami Sensei taught me that my mind is most calm. Ishibashi Sensei said, “The safest place to be in under the attack, in the danger.” Every time I enter the attack, enter what I fear, I let go my fear inside that I’m not good enough, my fear that I can’t. Everything quiet inside me. That’s the training.
Strong isn’t about big muscles, great rage and anger, about breaking boards with your hands. Strong is in the empty mind, opening up, being quiet inside, my feeling out. I take a stand. I hold my position. I get under the attack, get under what I fear. That’s for Aikido and for life.
I said, “I love you.” to someone. My feeling was out. No, she didn’t love me. She used me until she could find someone she loved. What we all want in life. I let go my fear inside that I’m not good enough. Because my fear was truth. I was quiet inside. I was strong inside. That was maybe the strongest and bravest, I have ever been. Although I have nothing to do with what goes on inside someone else, I have a say in what goes on inside me. I work on myself, not on others. That’s all I can do.
Wooden boards can break. Me, not so much. I love myself for who I am and forgive myself for who I’m not. My feeling out.
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photo: iStock
