If Only…

I’m 5’ 3”. I’m not handsome. I don’t look like Hugh Jackman, Michael B. Jordan, or Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson. Hugh, Michael, and Dwayne have been distinguished as People Magazine’s Sexiest Man Alive. They’re good men with heart, kindness, and compassion. Nothing, but mad love and respect to Hugh, Michael, and The Rock.

Sometimes, I wonder, “If only I were 6 feet tall. If only I were handsome.” That would definitely further my cause in getting a date on Match dot com. I’ve met some amazing women on Match. Usually, I get numerous responses that I don’t measure up. Nothing’s personal. Yeah, my results could be a whole lot better. Again, nothing’s personal. Just saying.

Aikido is the profound love of my life. Aikido gives me life. I just train to become a better man. My love for Aikido sources from my love for the late Mizukami Sensei, who was a Father to me. Sensei taught me Aikido for 25 years and he taught me what it is to be a good man. I’m forever grateful.

In over 30 years of Aikido training, I’m Godan (5th-degree black belt). Mizukami Sensei promoted me after he passed away. With Ishibashi Sensei, we pass on Mizukami Sensei’s legacy: Just train. It’s not like you have to get somewhere. Take a glancing blow, if you have to. In a very meaningful way, Sensei and I fulfill Mizukami Sensei’s dream of making the world a better place.

That being said, as the engineer, as the older and perhaps wiser man, I look at the bigger picture: If I were actually tall, I would really suck in Aikido. In my pursuit of mastery in Aikido, I made my mind, body, and spirit work as one. I made the Aikido techniques work for me, for my body, for my mind. Maybe, if I were bigger, taller, that would help with some bigger stronger dude attacking me. Yet, I don’t have 30 years of training in that body, in that mind. Besides, I do just fine as I am.

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I hold my own in Aikido. For me, Aikido sources in its construct and design. O-Sensei Morihei Ueshiba was a man about my size. O-Sensei stood nearly 5 feet tall. O-Sensei invented Aikido to work for his body, his mind, his spirit. In his very design, I have an innate affinity for Aikido. Aikido was designed for someone like me. I attained a certain level of mastery, only because Mizukami Sensei and Ishibashi Sensei taught me. Nothing but mad love and respect for them.

In the bigger picture of if only I were tall: I give that up. I have a purpose, a meaningful life in who I am and in doing what I love. Besides, O-Sensei was married and had a family. Life worked out for him. He’s the Martial Arts GOAT (Greatest of All Time). Life can work out for me, too. Just saying.

In that bigger picture: If only I were handsome. I’m not handsome. My therapist Lance told me that handsome is relative, that handsome is in the eye of the beholder. Years ago, my best friend John told me that I reminded him of the late actor and comedian Pat Morita (Mr. Miyagi from The Karate Kid). John had intended that as mad respect. WTF? No, Pat was not handsome, even with the ideal relative standard, in some eye of the beholder. With all due mad love and respect to the late Pat. Rest In Peace, Pat.

All that said, I wasn’t about to argue and provide evidence that “I’m not handsome.” Aside from that having little or no value, that would be just fucking stupid. I told Lance, “I’m not handsome, and that really doesn’t matter.” Sure, handsome would be nice. That’s a no-brainer. I’m an engineer. I can do the math. Anyway, I really don’t care about handsome.

Whenever I lament, if only I were tall, if only I were handsome, I hear Mizukami Sensei’s voice. Sensei would say, “Jon, you really can’t do anything about that. Just train.” Amen. Amen.

Yes, I wish that I could be a lot of things: tall, handsome, rich, whatever. I love myself for who I am and forgive myself for who I’m not. I find peace in just being me.

Heaven is right where I stand, so I lighten the fuck up. I just train. I work on being the best person that I can be. In the bigger picture, that makes a difference, with all due respect to the if onlys. Just saying.