About 15 years ago, I helped train young Adam for Shodan (1st degree black belt). When I taught Adam, I was really teaching myself. Adam had to get it right, had to be perfect all the time. He was his own worst critic. That was all too familiar. I was Adam when I was 14 years old.
When he got so angry and frustrated by not getting the Aikido technique, I said, “You can do it.” I gave the kindness to Adam that Dad didn’t give me when I was his age. As I gave kindness to Adam, I really gave kindness to 14-year-old Jon. That’s all I wanted back then.
Adam loved Aikido and got good quickly. He grew into the 6’2” handsome young man. He was way bigger than me. Still, he listened and followed instructions exactly. When Adam got older, I said, “Use your powers for good, not evil.” Truth.
Adam’s single Mom Joyce entrusted the late Mizukami Sensei, Ishibashi Sensei, me, and other instructors to teach her son to protect himself and become a good man. Sensei said, “Just train.” We practiced Aikido technique over, and over, and over, and over again. Practice made the unnatural natural. When we came to the Dojo, we came to train. Still, being a good person outside the Dojo, out in life was far more important to Sensei. That was the purpose of the training.
Mizukami Sensei taught me character, to be strong inside, to be a good man. I’m Godan (5th degree black belt) because of the late Mizukami Sensei and Ishibashi Sensei. O-Sensei Morihei Ueshiba said, “True victory is victory of oneself.” It’s me against me. The purpose of Aikido is not to be some badass, not to kick some ass. Ishibashi Sensei said, “The purpose of Aikido is to release your fear.” I work on myself, not on others. That’s all I can do.
I’m 5’3”. Everyone is bigger and stronger than me. Still, that doesn’t matter. Mizukami Sensei said, “Wait it out. Enter the attack. Take a glancing blow if you have to. You’re not always going to get away scot-free. It’s one time.” I take a glancing blow, take a hit for what’s meaningful to me. It doesn’t matter that the attacker is bigger, stronger, or better than me. I overcome myself, not them.
Ishibashi Sensei said, “The safest place to be is under the attack, in the danger.” The 250-pound man punches to my face. I wait it out and enter the attack. I get in the distance of the attack. I hold my position and make my timing. I apply the Aikido technique to myself, not to the attacker. There is no fight. The attacker tries to take my center with their punch. I take my center back. If I defend, I can be defeated. I enter the attack, enter what I fear, and let go my fear inside that I’m not good enough. I’m quiet inside. I’m strong inside. I take my center back. I take myself back.
I apply nikkyo (wristlock) to myself and match the punch with yoko-iriminage (strike to the side of the head) to the attacker. I can let the attacker pass or end the attack. The attacker can take the fall or get hit straight in the face. We both choose. What happens, happens. I hold my position. I use my powers for good, not evil.
In Aikido, Sensei taught us to use our powers for good, not evil. That meant I use my powers to protect myself and protect those who are weaker, those who cannot protect themselves.
However, there are those who attack and abuse others, because they think that they are better, bigger, and stronger. They think that they can do whatever they want. That they are entitled. They use their powers for evil, not good. They’re bullies. Bullies are straight up cowards, who fear losing or looking bad more than life itself. They only attack, want to fight when they know that they can win.
I’ve trained in Aikido for over 35 years. I’ve trained for all kinds of attacks. I train in budo. I train to be samurai. Still, I’m like you when attacked, under the attack. I hold my position. I don’t run from the attack, run from what I fear. When I run, my fear still remains.
I enter the attack, enter what I fear. I let go my fear inside that I’m not good enough. I take a glancing blow, take a hit for what’s meaningful to me. I let the attacker pass or end the attack. The attacker chooses to go down or stand down. We both choose. It’s not me against the attacker, not me against the bully. It’s only me against me. I overcome myself. I use my powers for good, not evil.
A Mom has her 10-year-old, and 15-year-old daughters learn Aikido at the Dojo. She said they love Aikido and learn a lot. They have fun, too. Mom wants her daughters to learn Aikido so that they can protect themselves. In particular, the 15-year-old gets that. She’s good at Aikido, smart, and stronger inside than she knows.
I trained with her in an Aikido Seminar. I said, “You’re strong.” She looked at me and smiled. She got it. I do what I can to help her grow stronger inside herself. Yes, I can only guide. She has to work on herself. Put in the work. I use my powers for good, not evil in the world that can be evil.
According to the National Sexual Violence Resource Center (NSVRC), 1 in 5 women in the US experienced completed or attempted rape during their lifetime. 81% of women reported experiencing some form of sexual harassment and/or assault in their lifetime. That is the sad state of the world.
Although I’m not a woman, I know what it’s like to be perceived as weaker, smaller, and not as strong. In my experience and training in Aikido, it’s not really about how strong I am on the outside, it’s about how strong I am inside that makes a difference. In the attack, in the danger, I hold my position. I let go my fear inside that I’m not good enough over, and over, and over again. Everything quiet inside me. I do what’s meaningful; do what’s necessary.
When someone attacks to take my center, I take my center back. I take myself back. It’s only me against me. I’m my greatest opponent. I work on myself, not on them. I use my powers for good, not evil.
17-year-old Adam made Shodan. Afterward, I wrote in his high school graduation letter: I could not be prouder of the man you’ve become than if had I my own son. Since, Adam got his PhD in linguistics and is now working in the industry. We both used are powers for good, not evil. And the world is all the greater for that.
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Photo by Tech Nick on Unsplash
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