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Dear younger version of myself. I know it’s been a while, 7 years in fact. But here’s a few things I’ve learned about you since we last saw each other.
The only person, place or thing you have control over is you
Control is the way most of us try to keep safe. It’s not an inherently bad thing in itself. But eventually you will see, that control does not actually keep you safe. It merely keeps you from truly knowing who you are. It keeps you lonely.
The more you control and hang on tight, especially if fear is involved, the more you will strangle the life force within you. The more you can release control, the more freedom you will have.
What I mean is, you only ever have control over how you respond to life’s twisting and ever-changing circumstances. You do not have control over the circumstances themselves.
People will let you down, hurt you, disappoint you, make decisions that you do not like or agree with. But just like you, the only person they have control over, is themselves.
There is, of course, some limitations to this concept of control, even over yourself. For example, your heart beats and your lungs breathe air, without you even having to try or think about it. You don’t have control over this. It just works.
Likewise, there are times when your body will get sick and injured. It will feel like it has betrayed you.
Control is an illusion. Acceptance is better because from there, you can make better choices and work with what is.
Look after your body
The body you had as a younger man will not recover or repair itself as quickly as it did when you were younger. You must, therefore, look after it well.
Do not rely on your body image or your looks to get you by. You need more than this, a lot more. Develop your mind and your spirit.
Read books, learn the value of meditation, and build a personal practice. Your body is what will carry you through this life. Do not push it beyond its limits, but at the same time, get the most out of it.
Your body is an amazing thing. Eat well, sleep well, rest well, play well. These 4 things will serve you and your body well.
Make friends with other men
You need a tribe. Why? Because if you are to go deeper and further than where you are now, you are going to need a band of brothers you can trust, to help you get there.
Whilst women are beautiful creatures and their company is invaluable, the connections you build with other men, are mostly what will make you a better man, even in the presence of women.
Seek out men you can trust and share your honest self with. They should be men who will challenge you when required, and men who will encourage you on the path.
Make this a priority. Seek them out and build friendships.
Stop comparing yourself to others
There will always be someone who is faster, stronger, smarter, better looking, funnier, sexier, wiser, bolder, more experienced and more skillful than you. You need to not give a fuck about this.
What you DO need to give a fuck about, is how you show up. Strength is not about being THE best. True strength is about being YOUR best. This is what I mean by showing up.
Forget the guy next to you. Stay in your own lane. If you judge yourself by other people’s expectations, you will live a sad and tiring life.
Comparison, they say, is the thief of joy. This is true. So focus on what you are doing, what you want to build, and what type of man you want to become, then go about building and being him.
Accept pain and challenges
Unless you live in a bubble, pain and challenges will happen. But these things do not define you. Don’t run from them.
When you accept what life throws at you, then work with it and through it, you will learn that your own capacity to love, is what really matters.
Difficult emotions are merely another form of energy. They are energy in motion. All emotion is. Work with it, and let it shape you into a better person.
Even when your world crashes down around you, know this – your defenses, facades, weaknesses and limiting beliefs are also crashing down. We all have these by the way.
Sometimes it takes life falling apart, to see what they are. You will be cracked open, so the light can get in, and so you can get out…
When things get uncomfortable, and they will, that is when we grow. That is when you’ll be faced with choices, to face your inner demons, your fears, and disbeliefs, and to smash through them, to become the man you want to be. This is not bravado, this is courage.
Use the force
There is a power inside of you, and everything you experience comes from that place. You may not understand this now, but you will.
Everything in life is inside out. Nothing happens ‘to you’, it is all how you perceive it. It’s an inside out job.
You are not a victim. You are a creator.
If you want to be the absolute best you can possibly be, go deeper. Go inside, understand, gain wisdom from that, then reach out from there.
If you want to stop growing, stop learning, stop expanding your mind, heart and spirit, then discard this letter and its contents, and go it alone. The universe will teach you anyway, It just may take a little longer, and you may pay a much higher price for the lessons.
Every single thing you are feeling now, will change.
Everything single thing you think you know now, will change.
Every single setback you have had, is an opportunity to expand.
You are not alone. Never have been.
Take what you learn and experience, to build a better life, and to build a life that shows others, a better life is possible.
Ps: Don’t waste time trying to change who you are. Invest time and energy in being the best you can be
Love deeply and courageously.
See you soon.
Future self.
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