Our personal beliefs play a huge role in how we view ourselves, and the world around us – though our beliefs are not reality itself, but rather our thoughts about reality. In our quest for love, many of us desire to live a perfect life in a perfect relationships with a perfect partner. But, often we end up in a relationship that is unfulfilling, with a partner that is below our standards, living a life that is far from perfect. Why? Because the world we live in, including the relationships that we attract, are shaped by the beliefs we have about ourselves.
So, what are beliefs? Beliefs are a collection of interpretations and feelings based on our painful or pleasurable past experiences – there are either limiting beliefs or empowering beliefs. The challenge is, many of us don’t consciously decide what to believe in. Consequently, once we feel strong about a specific belief, we seek experiences to validate it; hence our beliefs become our truths.
Let’s say, for example – that my father abandoned my family when I was a child, then I become an abandonment waiting to happen because I attract experiences that validate the limiting belief I created about those past experiences. I then begin to unconsciously attract relationships that confirm my abandonment belief, thus seeking partners who abandon me or who are emotionally unavailable. But, what happens if I come across a partner who doesn’t abandon me or who isn’t emotionally unavailable? The outcome would likely be the same, except I would be the one to abandon my partner or emotionally withdraw from them in order to recreate and confirm my abandonment belief, thus sabotaging the relationship – so that my belief not only prevails, it holds true.
If you want to replace something old, you have to make room for something new. A healthy relationship begins and ends with a healthy love of SELF. Therefore, who we attract and who we’re attracted to has more to do with who we are as an individual – because everything and everyone around us is a reflection of our personal conscious and unconscious beliefs about ourselves. If we want to change who and what we’re attracted to, then we must be willing to challenge what we think, to transform our beliefs.
When we enter a new relationship we come into the relationship with two types of beliefs: limiting beliefs and empowering beliefs:
- I am afraid that he/she will leave me (limiting belief)
- I create my own reality and am responsible for what I create (empowering belief)
- I am too old to find love (limiting belief)
- There is always a way if I’m committed (empowering belief)
- I’m no good at relationships because every relationship I’ve ever had has failed (limiting belief)
- The past does not equal the future (empowering belief)
- No one thinks I’m good enough (limiting belief)
- I give more of myself to others than anyone expects (empowering belief)
- I will never be able to trust anyone (limiting belief)
- If I can’t, I must; if I must, I can (empowering belief)
Although we cannot clearly recognize on a conscious level if our beliefs are limiting or empowering, we may recognize through the people, circumstances, and experiences who and what we’re attracting into our lives. And, if we focus our attention to who and what we’re intending then we may also be able to identify and eliminate the limiting beliefs that at one time served us, but no longer serve us anymore.
Once we become aware of the fact that what we believe about ourselves is being revealed by the quality of our relationships, we may begin to openly and honestly question our beliefs, along with the experiences we appoint them. This, in turn, eliminates our limiting beliefs and makes room for the empowering beliefs that not only serve us, but also takes us in the direction that we want to go.
“Your beliefs become your thoughts,
Your thoughts become your words,
Your words become your actions,
Your actions become your habits,
Your habits become your values,
Your values become your destiny.”
Previously published on Huffington Post.
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