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Mental health is a divine gift and a fragile one at that. If the average male adult incurs even a mediocre portion of life’s misfortunes, they often will feel that hard pull upon the ever thin thread of their sanity. We walk about in our daily life, fronting that we have things under control. For that is what our society expects and demands of its men; complete and utter control over themselves and their environment.
There are times in a man’s life (they can be brief or long seasons) where they deeply feel the despair of their own personal “failures.” When their fallible human decisions and efforts leads one far away from their intended destination—to a dead end road, a drop-off, or the worst, a road that leads to nowhere.
The depth of one’s pain in increased exponentially if the mismanagement of their life affects those whom they care for, those whom they have been bonded in love, and that the failed male feels a profound sense of responsibility towards. This magnifies their sense of worthlessness, weakness, and shame, much like gazing through a microscope turns a single cell creature into a massive dreadful monster.
It is during these times, these irreligious “dark nights of the soul,” that friends, lovers, parents, and “allies” can become a man’s soul’s most dangerous enemy. The biblical equivalent of Job’s “friends” — whose words burned Job’s soul worse than his foul sores and physical afflictions tortured his body.
Here is a brief treaty on the “Art of Kicking a Man When He is Down.” It is intended for those who would wish (for some unknown reason) to damage the souls of those you claim to care for and love under the guise of giving them some “advice,” or “perspective” on their failures, faults, and let downs.
Tell The Man What They “Should” Have Done
Make sure that as they seek any light or hope that may give them the strength to face their challenge, you eradicate that by rubbing salt in their wound. Remind them that you “warned” them their decisions and actions were foolish. Make sure you raise a complex conversational history to remind them of each and every specific time and incident when you (in all your wisdom) “warned them.” Do this as you would grab a puppy by the neck, and push their snout into the area where they soiled. Train them and teach them with that level of harshness to make sure your “golden” information sticks.
Question The Man’s Integrity and Call into Question the “Real” Reason They Did What They Did
Make sure that you not only question their wisdom or intelligence that landed them in the shithole they now find themselves. That does not cause enough damage to their psyche. Get deeper than that and question their underlying morality, the core of their integrity. This will make them truly suffer. Always remember as justification for your verbal assault, that you point out all the dreadful fruits borne into their lives, and those innocents affected by them.
Question Their Masculinity
Make sure that you call into question their intrinsic strength, manhood, and gender orientation. If they failed by not being “strong” enough, make sure you point that out as proof they are not a “real man.” If they were too aggressive and came into their mess by assertiveness, tell them they are not smart enough, or sensitive enough, or wise enough to qualify as a “real man.” To ensure the depth of this verbal stab into the heart, recall other times and incidents where their behavior may have supported this presupposition of their weakness, lack of discernment, or courage as a man.
Remind Them Repeatedly of the Consequences of Their “Failure” that They Already Know
This is by far the simplest of the weapons to deploy—simply restate the obvious. Even though they have judged themselves far more harshly than any, dropped into their own imagination’s labyrinth of dreadful consequences for their failures, and lashed their own backs with the lash of conjuring’s of what may befall them—make sure you add to it. Make it clear that all others know the dark and terrible things that will befall them, as clearly as the dawn of day. Be crystal clear this is not just some subtle figment of their own depressed imagination, NO! This is ALL TOO REAL! Be brash enough to state the obvious consequences of their failures that even a 5-year-old would know. Do this just in case they really are too stupid to know. Yet, knowing they are not that stupid, still drive the stake in deep by pounding home the obvious.
Threaten Them with Abandonment, Further Consequences, and the Withdrawal of Love and Support Unless They “Fix” The Problem—Which Really is THEM
In the unlikely chance that your verbal jabs, insults, false expressions of concern, and vocalized contempt did not pulverize them into subjection to you, make sure you add a final blow. This is an excellent clincher for those of you inexperienced or new in the art of soul and mental health destruction. Simply threaten abandonment and withdrawal. This is a logical conclusion to all of your points, is it not? What “normal” human being in their right mind, would wish to persist in a relationship with such a worthless excuse for a “real man?” This is most effectively done with a touch of false sympathy. That adds a delicious spice to the whole package of tearing another human being’s soul to pieces. If you are going to do that, make sure you do it right.
NOTE: These techniques are much easier to enact in direct correlation to the closeness of the relationship you have with your “friend” or “lover” or “child.” Parents should find this quite easy, due to the formality of the relationship and depth of biological bond. Lovers come in a close second since we are most vulnerable with those we love, even to the point of exposing our sexuality and bodies to you. Friends? It depends. If you have been around for a minute in the man’s life and there is some investment, feel no fear. Your efforts will produce profound results.
These are the keys to the fine art of kicking a man when he is down. Use them with caution and precision. They will serve you well in severing genuine intimacy, turning friends and lovers into enemies, and making your children hate and avoid you.
Originally published on FrankBlaney.com
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