I hear a lot of people say they wish they were more confident, as if it’s one of those things that you either have or don’t. People act as though you’re either innately born with confidence, or you’re not. Which is probably the first hack to hacking confidence, rewrite your story. Stop telling everyone the story (that you also believe and therefore never change) that you’re not confident and therefore you can’t do certain things. “If only I were more confident, then I’d go ask that girl out. If only I were more confident, then I’d be able to give better speeches in public. If only I were more confident, then I’d ask for a raise.” You get the idea. I, on the other hand, believe confidence can be developed and nurtured, and I’ve got three big ideas to help you generate more confidence in your life.
Competence
Sometimes, we’re not confident, because we don’t have enough knowledge or competence surrounding the subject matter. If I told you tomorrow, you need to go in and give open heart surgery, you’d freak out. You’d say there’s no way I could do that, because you don’t have the knowledge or capacity to do so. Performing open heart surgery takes years and years of schooling and practice. This could be the same for you, in whatever it is that you’re not confident in. Perhaps you’re not confident in tomorrow’s big exam. Study more. Perhaps you’re not confident for tomorrow’s job interview. Practice aloud possible questions and your response. Do mock interview with friends and have them give you feedback. Make it so much harder in the practice, that the actual interview is easy. Develop competence, and you will develop confidence.
Change Your State
Not only is confidence a mental skill, but I believe it’s also physical too. How do you carry yourself from day to day? Do you carry yourself hunched over with slouched shoulders? Or do you walk around upright with broad shoulders and your chest puffed out? Did you know studies have shown a difference in how people actually feel and how they perceive themselves. People who put pencils in their mouths so that they were constantly holding a smile actually stated they felt happier than those frowned. A lot of research has been done surrounding body language and what’s known as “power poses.” Power poses are the sort of poses that I alluded to above that make us feel more energetic, more happy, and more confident. One of the most notorious power poses is when someone is standing upright, with their arms opened wide and up high. Does this remind you of anything? This is the common pose someone does after they’ve won a race, or any type of sporting event. I’m not sure if you’re even taught that as a kid, but it seems almost natural that when you win, your arms go straight up overhead, and you raise them like a champion. So be mindful of your physical state. When you’re feeling less confident, try making small physical shifts in your body to help trigger confidence.
Challenge
I think this is probably the most powerful hack in which I will list, but one that probably none of you will do. Why? Because it’s scary, and we do everything in our power to protect ourselves when we feel scared. Reality is, most of you will remain the same level of confidence, because you choose not to challenge yourself. If you want more confidence, you need to push past your comfort zones and challenge yourself to another level. Think about one thing that you are not confident with right now, and just do it. Let me give you an example. Next time you go to Starbucks, ask the cashier for 10% off. Why? Because it’s probably something you’re too scared to do, because you feel embarrassed asking. That’s exactly why you should do it. Start thinking of mini-challenges like this one, and execute them. I believe the more small wins you can garner, the more momentum you will develop. Once you start developing momentum, it starts to spill over into all areas of your life. You start to feel more confident when you give a speech. You start to feel more comfortable the next time you’re at a social event and want to talk to that woman across the room. The confidence from the mini-challenges will prepare you for the confidence you need in other arenas in life.
—
Photo: Getty Images